I feel like I'm walkin a tight rope
Without a circus net
I'm popping percasete
I'm a nervous wreck
I deserve respect
But I work a sweat for this worthless check
Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt
Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
Full of venom and rage

Taffy at 10:24:00 PM

Hey Amin Happy B-Day....

And to my darling Xuan as well.... Mwackz you both rock...

Taffy at 4:42:00 PM

Dear Melly, in reply to your posting....{wahahahahahahah}


well sincerely ppl i hv this say. Yes i am not brave enough.Yes i am scared. And for once let Kay drop all of her pretences seriously tell her friends why.

-It's on National TV
-This is Singapore
-I am afraid that i will freeze again.
-I don't know if i will have the strength to keep it going
-I am afraid to try, and fail
-Never Liked trying hard for anything ,cos when i fail i would have lost nothing,
-the only thing that kept me from feeling like complete failure that night is the fact that my friends, were behind me 100 percent and were sincere abt it.But when i got hm it was a completely different story.
-My parents will never and have never acknowledged any of my abilities,I am a disappointment, and this belief they re-inforced immediately after Talentsearch. Main point of that msg? gv up..For them either i go classical or nothing at all.According to them i will nvr make it anywhere other than a literature teacher or lawyer.Wow, how exciting
- Have always shied away from the limelight, it scares me occasionally. who on earth ever came up with the notion that cheering loudly and clapping actually encourages a person? It s scary,to me atleast.I have a weak heart.lol
-I don't like the idea of competition,i mean, looking at the ppl who post on the forum. i am like.."psychos..." and if they really are as good as they say they are, then i am nothing compared to them.
- till about a few years ago,i have been ridiculed for my dreams, and for being "big-headed", to the extent i just stopped wanting something daring.One of my "best friends" actually once told me that "just because you think you can sing doesn't mean you are that good you know, there are many ppl better than you and better looking than you,who can't make it what makes you think you can?" Oh what a friend. Yea some of you know who she is.And what she's said seems to have burnt a hole in my head, and this was said in sec 2???What a fren huh?lol, dun think she even remembers.The impact of words.

No i am not "merajuking" i am just openly revealing what goes on in my head every time i am asked to join SI.Yes there is fear. But i also know that if i don't try i will be wondering for a long time what it would have been like.So TELL ME SHD I GO? OR SHD I STAY AWAY?????

Taffy at 4:29:00 PM

Do i ReAllY HaTe Indians??

Er yea and i seem to be making alot of statements on how much exactly...why??

Well, for one my parents have always told me to.They've had their reasons for saying so, i believe....bad experiences and such.And truthfully i never listen to them but on this one thing, from my experiences alone, i find myself agreeing with them.

There are of course, many exceptions to be made i believe, i have more than a few indian friends myself, so for the sake of these wonderful people i shall restrain and limit myself to saying i hate typical indians.
The types who look, talk and act typical, the kind who abuse and ravage, the wonderful language that is known as Tamil.Although this is not my mother language i still appreciate it.

The kind who speak english with a strange accent, and hang out in crowds in the weirdest places,who stare at you if they think you are indian yourself,but somehow according to them "exalt" yourself above them.

They are the ones who destroy the pure culture of being indian,who exhibit the bad traits of indians more openly than the minority of indians, these are the majority who give indians a bad name, for years the minority has been criticising the vast majority for these traits,and despise them ,to the extent they disassociate themselves from them in every way possible.These majority of retards not only have they brought upon a bad name for us amongst the other races, they created a division and a sort of class system in Singapore itself, this is mainly on the part of Southern Indians.This makes me cringe at the so called"Tamilans".

Don't get me wrong,I AM NOT ASHAMED OF BEING INDIAN..
in fact i quite appreciate the Indian culture...just not the society. The indian culture is one of the most established of all cultures,it has a deep rich history that has yet to be explored,and studied at a great extent.

The dance and music, is of greater standards than any other races culture definetely without a doubt.The arts and way of life are great, but not only have we forgotten our roots , we've {as i 've said before} ravaged them and mutated them, cross bred them with the western culture,we have ppl who are not of our race, appreciating our culture and knowing more about it than we do.We have not encouraged the progress and development of our culture,we have not maximised our cultural potential, we have a Fine Arts Society of which many members of my family are great sponsors of and support and send their children there for training to a great extent, me being one of them.

Something is wrong somewhere, and its with the younger generation. But it didn't start here however it will stop here.

With me atleast.

WE have forsaken our culture. Its about time we regained it.

Taffy at 11:08:00 PM

Peace

Is something i have not felt in a long while.



I have'nt felt much in a long while.


Now there is peace.Inner harmony.

Why?

I realise i have'nt been here a while.Almost a month i believe?
A month was all it took for me to find my way back.
Truly He is great.

Who is He?

God of course.

It is strange how i sought and hollered and cried my eyes out for him every night for the past few months,when all along he was right by my side.

It is disgusting how i valued the things of this earth above his love.

It is strange how much he can love someone like me.

It is strange how i can lose out in some of the things i used to hold in high regard above all else,like the talentime thing,and yet see the best in it,because of Him.

In fact i walked out of that auditorium marvelling how many wonderful ppl i have been blessed with as friends.
Their indignance on my part was all the consolation and prize i needed.
i was touched beyond words that night.
I could'nt see the failure.
It irked me that i disappointed them, Yes, It did.
But the very fact that they were on my side despite the outcome was enough.

I was moved when one of my friends hugged me and told me i was the winner no matter what.And that he wanted me to perform for an event he's organising,and also what he thought of the ppl controlling AVA {that incl. a couple of vulgarities...but still}.

I was moved when one of my friends made me sing the song again for him, and told me that i deserved to win.

I was moved when my friend cried for me.When they said they ought to petition for me to win.
When ppl i didn know were on my side.

All the while, these were the things that mattered.

Seriously, i am glad i walked out that day a loser. It helped to open my eyes.

And i owe it all to Him.

There it is again...

PEACE. wow.

Taffy at 10:01:00 PM