24 October, 2004


Tommorrow is NAD's Birthday......



So before any one else wishes you, NAd..... happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy turning the age where you're able to smoke, drink and watch m-18 movies.

yay.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tmw it all begins again, tmw i go back to rehearsals. brace yourself, KAY.

Good god.... i think last week must have one of the most eventful week of rehearsals for a play i've ever had.......

1) The one with the relationship Tango

2) The one where we do the "see who can seduce who" battle.

3) The one Where There's a thief amongst us.

4) The one where its the First time i saw a friend cry.

5) The one With My results.

6) The one With My almost temper flare at my lead.

7) The ONES with My strange actors.



wow. it almost sounds like a series of FRIENDS episodes. LOL.... my life is a soap opera. Or maybe a comedy. Hmmm..... interesting... (by the way who is this GOD OF COWS person?)


Taffy at 8:32:00 PM

22 October, 2004


*Laughs Out Loud At All The Crap She Sees*

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee




i don't know la.



Felt like not making sense.









Not that i usually do.






ha.


Taffy at 9:46:00 PM

17 October, 2004


YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT


" of course we have to accept them back into society..."

" we have to help them, otherwise what if they slip back into it?"

" they are after all humans too, so we must accept them."




Comments.
Made by self- righteous pricks.
No really.
Them?
Accept?
Society?
us?
Listen up, the only reason these ppl have been labelled "criminals" is because their acts could be defined by something in the Penal Code, and the fact that they've been caught.
If all they've been sent to jail for, is to have done some thing wrong?
Then spare none we are all criminals.
Just that we haven't been caught yet, or rather our acts are not those which satisfy the elements of the crimes that have been described in the Penal Code.
Yellow ribbon project?
Is just another way to widen the split between "us" - the uncaught, and "them" -the caught. Only now its done with alot more insincerity.


Taffy at 10:04:00 PM

15 October, 2004


Whoa.

Had rehearsals today. All three of my leads were there.


Ever had anyone who just reminds you of yourself so much it just blows you away?


My lead actress Amanda, just knocked me right off my seat with her energy today! And the entire afternoon i just could not help feeling as if i was staring at my 15 year old self.


Not in the sense of looks, but in terms of character i mean. I spent the afternoon listening to her talk about catching dragon flies and tying a string to its end and getting excited over walking through the koi pond and running down stairways and indian costumes and henna.



My god.



Theres more.






She also listens to indian classical, did Yoga, and everything else. And then heres something she said i swe*r came out of my mouth at least once in my life.


"There's just so many things i want to do i don't think i can do it within one life, i probably need to reincarnate!"


Someone you could just watch for hours on end and not get bored. She 'd make a great actress with all of that natural energy in her.


Hmmmm, if i ever wanted a sister, i'd want someone like her.


Taffy at 9:39:00 PM

10 October, 2004


Estimated results:



LComm- C... (to be kind- B)


Contract- Dare i say A? Z?


CrimPro- (At the very Best C?)


Accounts- ( Hmmmm... I'lll Give it a D)


B of E- (Pass)


Psych- (Hmmm..... B ?)


APEL- A!!! yay!




well i think i'm being too generous ...but we'll see, miracles do happen.





Please Happen.


Taffy at 1:50:00 AM


Not Too Much To ask.

Lord, can you take away the temptations too strong for me to resist?





I said, Lord, can you take away all my troubles, tell the devil to cease and desist?




Lord, can you take away all of the pain and the hurt, the difference between the right and the wrong?




Lord, can you take us back to where we belong?





So Lord, in that case why not take away the need to live?




Well, Lord now that you've taken all.... What will you give?




Humans, Tsktsktsk....always dissatisfied.


Taffy at 1:39:00 AM

09 October, 2004


Oh My.

Exorcist anyone?








get ready to scream.








horror at its best.



Taffy at 1:23:00 AM

07 October, 2004


ON A HAPPIER NOTE.


Yes it's once again safe to read my blog without a box of tissues next to you.



Must be the Bollywood atmosphere - been getting to me.





Sheesh looking back it seems as if i was almost ready to jump off my block. Lol..





Well suicidal no more, joyful KAY is here to stay * Ta ta DAaaaaaaaaa* *Or so plays joyful music*




First up, an introduction to the Krappy Konstitution.




well see, we were on the train, and were taking about enemies or some such. And so comes about, Article THREE, Friends and Enemies. (Art 1 &2 are not up yet, but basically they're about yourself , then family.)


Heres section one;



(1) The Enemy of your Enemy is your friend.


Provided that, you are not enemies with THAT enemy in the first place. And you better pray madly that those two enemies don't make up anytime soon either, cause that could mean trouble for you.


(Kindly contributed to by Mel and Azi)

This is for Art 4, Money and You.

(1) Crime does not pay, and even if does?, it doesn't pay very much, and if it does pay alot, it comes in very small notes and you tend to lose it. And when it does come in a cheque?
'
'
'
'
'

'
'
'

'
'
'
'
It bounces.














Like happy Kay?


Taffy at 10:55:00 PM

03 October, 2004


Indifference.






" You're leaving? Don't leave me with these People. If any one of them were to die, i don't think i'd cry. I wouldn't even care. You know, i wonder why...... I guess i just have no sense of attachment to them. I'd cry for you, but i won't cry for them."







Statement made by brother aged 12.










And out of the mouth of babes - comes truth.











How sad.











In that one moment, i think i experienced the keenest sense of sorrow i've felt thus far.









What could have prompted that kind statement from a kid?








What could have bred that kind of indifference, in a 12 yr old nonetheless?











This past week having had to stay at home, and having to spend time in the company of my parents, the more i was actually able to gauge the extent of the drift that has taken place.





And my God that's one whopper of a crevice.





It's a Grand Canyon.











I realise in the place of love, lingers, Sympathy, and a great feeling of sorriness, maybe, compassion for all they've been through.











Is that what pathos is supposed to be?











Sympathy? Compassion? Sorriness (if that's even a word) ?




That's it?








And that's when it hits me.
















That come a day should they pass away,



I wouldn't cry.








I wouldn't care.









I guess, like my brother.





There is simply no sense of attachment.




These People, They, Them, Strangers.






Such wise words, coming from a twelve year old, No sense of attachment.







It's sad that someone so young has already scrutinised relationships around him to that extent.







It just shows you how bad things are.












Something worse than hate?









Indifference.


















Taffy at 4:16:00 AM


Here are some characters from the works of a great writer, William Shakespeare.



1.Oberon (Midsummer night's dream)

He who made his Queen fall in love with a donkey.

2.Bassanio (Merchant of Venice)


He who would wilingly forsake his wife for love of a friend.

3.Petruchio ( The Taming Of the Shrew)

He who transformed a wild cat into Lady Love.

4. King Henry ( Henry IV, Henry V)

He who gave up his uncouth ways, for love of Country and duty.

5. Malvolio (The Love-Letter)

He who was made a fool because of love.

* For those of you who do not know which play these characters are from, go drown yourself in the toilet bowl. You literary ignoramus.*

6. Romeo

He who treasured love above all else.

7. King Lear.

He who measured love by words.

8. Brutus

He who betrayed and killed his own best friend, for love of country men.

9. Hamlet.

He who gave up everything, for vengeance, for love of his father.

10. MacBeth

He who came to a Sad end, For love of power.

See a trend?

Men who fall in love or act in the name of love are fools?????

Now here's a character from one of the greatest literary works ever, written by THE great writer. GOD.

11. Jesus Christ.

He who was hung on a cross, for love of mankind.

Fools? I think not.


Taffy at 4:04:00 AM


Granted, taken for.



We were aged 10, 13 and 16, i was the youngest.





Out of the blue, the older one commented,





" You're lucky you know that?"










" Huh? why?" I asked, puzzled.










" Your father still cares for you, jokes with you, hugs you, kisses you." she lamented.







" yea. But don't all daddies?" was my reply.









" No." was the scornful answer.







That jolted me long enough to catch the wistful look that passed between the two sisters.







" Not when you get too old. You better appreciate what you got now."







And with that they went back to watching TV.








I was left pondering for awhile. I didn't get what that was supposed to mean, so i shrugged it off.











I think i get it now.







_______________________________________________________________






A while back, when i fell ill, Around Yimei's birthday? Temp. shot up to almot 45'c i think.























My father, fed me, combed my hair.











Fed me my medication.














Held my hand when he brought me to the clinic.














I felt like i was 5 again.
















I wish i could have been ill forever.



Taffy at 3:52:00 AM


" if wishes were horses beggars would ride."
Ethan Rayne.
BTVS.
If that were to be true, Imagine, what would happen if one day i were to wish i were a horse?
Hmmm. Interesting.


Taffy at 3:48:00 AM

02 October, 2004


Sitcom moments


Kay: You know there was this woman just now, she was going" kabby where are you?" i nearly turned and went "yes?"
Nad: I think she was referring to a four year old or something.
Kay: Yea i know, then i was thinking, who on earth would name their kid kab-... (trails off) Right.
Nad: (Laughs)
--- .


Taffy at 4:45:00 PM


"One by one, all my relationships have ended."
Devdas.
It's true, at least in my case, most of my relationships have ended.
And it hurts most, when it comes to joyous occasions like, Deepavali. And i see friends
going off to visit relatives, and talking about this cousin and that.
My Paternal side of the family, has been disowned.
Who do i have to talk about?
The only time that i catch a glimpse of my cousins, is when they walk past me on the streets.
Even then sometimes i don't dare talk to them. Lest someone tells my father.
And even relations that i once upon a time did have?
Are dying.
My grandmother is dead. I didn't even know her name. Recently, i had to translate into english her death certificate. And thats about as close as i ever got to her.
My Grandfather, is slowly dying of a heartbreak of losing my grandmother. I only got to know his name because of my mother's maiden name.
One of my Aunts passed away a long time ago.
Another one has practically disowned my mother, and one has been continually abused till... oh well. They're all in India. And i'll probably never get to see them.
Now let's talk about my own family.
Father, he is not even a shadow of his past self. And that to me, is equivalent to dying.
Brother, as close as we are, already we are becoming strangers to each other, Considering the hours that i keep. And when at home, nowadays, he stays in his room, and i stay in mine.
Mother, we just cannot relate to one another. I don't even know how to speak to her properly. And she just doesn't know what's going on in my life. Or who i am.
Friends, those i spent my growing years with are slowly becoming estranged, seeing how i haven't been going to church and all. And there's the fact that, i'm just too busy with "poly life."
And the friends i have now? will one day leave too, and actually it just isn't the same as having friends who've been with you since pre-pubescent age. lol.
We come into this world alone, we leave this world alone, and as for me,after having come alone, i guess i might just live alone and then leave alone as well. Lol.


Taffy at 4:15:00 PM


Dream House


There's a house in my dreams.




And it's beautiful.




I enter and i see, My two Grandfathers playing Chess in the patio.




I walk up to the kitchen, And there works the Grandmother, once hated, now loved.I smile and walk on.




One floor up, is the library. Tall shelves, many books, - philosophy and religion. A cloud of smoke, and there stays my father.A room filled with laughter.

His brothers are all around, and for once, they speak- not words of animosity, but words filled with brotherly care.





A room or two away, is a room with a bed, and in there lies my brother aged five. waiting to be kissed, read a story and put to sleep.




Down to the Garden, and i follow the sounds of laughter, and there i find, Three aunts i've never met, and my grandmother too.




In their midst sits my mother, joy in her smile, sparkle in her eyes and flowers in her hair.




No shadows of hurt haunt her any more, no weight of burden to sit on her shoulders.At last peace fills her features.




Now on to the cousins, where will i find them? Where else, but in a room filled with dolls, toy guns and games. There they all play, aged not at all, but still in their childhood. Times i remember, and times of innocence.





Meal time comes, and we all gather, in the main room of the house. A room we all have a place in. A room we share.










And then i wake up.







And i realise, the dream house is but a dream. And so it shall remain.






Because reality is tainted, with hurt, with anger and with bitterness aplenty.






We all age and pull away. We build our worlds independant.








In that case, i rather live in my dreams.


Taffy at 3:46:00 PM


She leaves a bloody mess behind where ever she goes.

She has so far ruined - three chairs, two sofa sets, and two doors, and one bed frame. And currently she's working on my dining table.



She suddenly wants to say alot to you, especially when you're on the phone.




She doesn't understand when you don't wanna be bothered.




She eats MY food. And she has to have her meals on time alllll the time.




And she borrows my things without asking me.




She treats my room like a toilet.Bleh.


Sigh.


She's not a nuisance, God.



She's just my dog. And i love her.


Taffy at 3:36:00 PM


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