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30 January, 2005
**** doesn't do it to spite ****, s/he does it because s/he loves him/her so much that, s/he just does. So the world sees it. S/he is not doing it to show the world how much and how close they are. S/HES NOT. S/he doesn't know. S/he does it because s/he is so in love, S/he does it because, she cares. S/he does it because, s/he feels so strong abt him/her. And more importantly I believe this. And thats all that matters. THats ALL. I refuse to hate friends. Especially when it can't be helped. When it comes to friendship, there is no hate, there shdn't be. There musn't be. Not when its directed at the person who taught you that. And i will not believe anything else. YOU are not like that. YOU ARE NOT. i believe that.
WAS GREAT! ENOUGH SAID. Congrats to the Committee! Good Job Guys! P.s.: I Still Hate the purple and green one, and am in love with the Green one, "Yayan". -------------------------------------------------------- LOSING WEIGHT!!! Yay! i am losing weight again! Am gonna set up a weight countdown here till i reach my ideal weight and size! Target date- JUNE 24 2005 Don ask me why, but it seems like a good date. Don know what my current weight and size is, but once i do, will report. Or maybe not... NAZZIE!!!!!! GYM TIME!!!....
24 January, 2005
kabetha, your self-esteem is In Great Shape Good for you! Your self-esteem looks pretty healthy to us! Maybe you don't consider yourself a total rock star, but our guess is that others do! Regardless of what other people think, you know that you're pretty darn great.You also know that a big part of feeling good and looking good is taking care of yourself and treating your body right. The key is in your attitude and not freaking out when you don't get the greatest grade on a test or when someone else has the same outfit on as you. You take it in stride and see that it's the big picture that matters most. Your mature and confident approach will surely take you straight to the top in anything you do. Congrats! Keep it up!
kabetha, you're inspired by Expressing Yourself You've got something to say, and nothing feels better than letting the world hear it, whether that means you're into singing, writing, designing — or you're just the kind of woman who's not afraid to share her opinion on the issues that matter most to her. Why should you try to blend?You're a bold individual who definitely gets a kick out of standing out from the crowd. Sure, you might sometimes shock your friends with your loud-n-proud statements, but you know they are often impressed by your courage to show off who you really are. As for you, there's nothing better than the rush you get from being true to yourself and the causes you believe most deeply in.
kabetha, you're Cool as Ice No doubt about it — you've got things under control. A thinker and a planner, you usually don't jump into anything without a plan to get in and a plan to get out. It's pretty safe to assume that you're the brainiac of your friends, and they turn to you when they need someone to take the lead.You're full of good ideas, and you've got the ability to execute them. You're also especially skilled at letting your head rule your heart. There's nothing you won't accomplish if you set your mind to it. Now that's cool
Viola. You are classy and sophisticated, and much more mellow than any violin. People look to you for a firm foundation. What instrument are you? brought to you by
Youre nice to people when theyre nice to you, but are mean to people who you dislike or who dislike you. Think about what you do before you actually do it, first. Youre... fair, I suppose. What type of person are you? brought to you by
ou are a.. RAVER! You have a love for bright colors, a pulsing bass, and having the best time possible. You love to go back to your childhood roots and just act like a kid, or dance the night away on the dance floor. Hey, you only live once! The Subculture Label Quiz brought to you by
23 January, 2005
BOLLYWOOD ! Dream No. : 489,742 I am gonna run away to india and join the film-making industry! i've got the perfect plan... drop L&M, or maybe i'll finish it, start learning media. Then i'll work for about a year and save all my money... Following that... i'm gonna buy a one-way ticket, drop at MumbaI Intl, Airport, find an apartment and start auditioning. India i'm gonna be your next Vasundra Das!, And Mira Nair!, Longkang Wedding here i come... Bwahahahahha... ok.. no. NEXT please. DREAM No.: 489,743 Gather up all my existing Drama members and form a Part-time Drama troupe. I've got Shahdon, Terry-biatch, Na-na, Ta-ta,Mel-pappadums,Kinky, Amin,Hana,Limah, Kenny!,And all the rest... hmmm... we'd be good. We've got a great mix of talents there. None of us are alike and thats the best part. You know what i'd like to do? A MOVIE! thats what... Whoa... So many possibilities... i feel like my old self already... ready to go vroom vroom... er ok... NOT FEASIBLE. HOws this? DREAM NO.: 489,744 I study, become a lawyer, make money. Loads of it. a) Start studying media and visual arts and acting seriously.Form a drama company, make a movie/ play that becomes an international hit that goes to West End and Broadway, and basically live like a very successful christian. b) Buy a house, get married , have kids, watch them grow up, have a great stable , boring, christian life, watch your kids get married, watch them raise kids, DIE. c) Run away and join the circus as a clown. You know seems to me 489,744 C is the only reasonable dream i've been able to come up with. Oh well you can't have everything in life. *Puts on Clown nose*
Hindi Lyrics: Dil Hai Mera Deewana Kya Kehta Hai Ab Ghabrana Kya Taal Pe Jab Jhoome Badan Hichkichana Sharmana Kya Khul Ke Jhoomon Khul Ke Gaao Aaoo Aaoo Yeh Khul Ke Kaho It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Kaun Mile Hai Kisko It's The Time To Disco Dil Hai Mera Deewana Kya Kehta Hai Ab Ghabrana Kya Taal Pe Jab Jhoome Badan Hichkichana Sharmana Kya Khul Ke Jhoomon Khul Ke Gaao Aaoo Aaoo Yeh Khul Ke Kaho It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Kaun Mile Dekho Kisko It's The Time To Disco Balkhata Hai Badan Aisi Jo Taal Hai Saanson Mein Chalti Hai Aandhiyaan Behkata Hai Yeh Maan Ab To Yeh Haal Hai Masti Mein Khoye Hai Hum Yahan Tum Bhi Khoke Mast Hoke Koi Toke To Khul Ke Kaho It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Keh Do Milo Jis Jisko It's The Time To Disco Josh Mein Naachti Rangeen Shaam Hai Bin Piye Jhoomta Hais Ama Hosh Ka Ab Yahan Bolo Kya Kaam Hai Tez Hai Dhadkane Dil Javan Yuh Hi Reh Hai Theek Hai Na Aur Hai Kehna To Khul Ke Kaho It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Samjho Zara Tum Isko It's The Time To Disco Dil Hai Mera Deewana Kya Kehta Hai Ab Ghabrana Kya Taal Pe Jab Jhoome Badan Hichkichana Sharmana Kya Khul Ke Jhoomon Khul Ke Gaao Aaoo Aaoo Yeh Khul Ke Kaho It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Kaun Mile Dekho Kisko It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco It's The Time To Disco Kaun Mile Dekho Kisko It's The Time To Disco
22 January, 2005
-UNCLE BEN, SPIDERMAN To my Pres-to-be. You ARE lost. You are lost in the enormity of the role, because you think that it takes some kind of great talent and self-esteem and confidence - this is quoting you. Yes you may need all of this. But above all? You're going to need patience, and a calm mind. Both of which you know you yourself have. Also and very , very importantly- you're going to need PASSION. Isn't that what you told me DEVDAS gave back to you? The passion for theatre? Once the passion is there, you can do anything. Trust me. Even survive three thefts, a postponement/ near-cancellation, internal issues,including nearly resigning yourself, big egos and small-mindedness, arrogance and another theft, Dramatics and temper tantrums. The Key is PASSION. Talent- can be cultivated, can be learnt, picked up. Self-esteem?- Go look in the mirror and love yourself a little. I LOVED YOU THE MOMENT YOU WALKED IN. Confidence- All you need to have is a solid plan and a committee who're behind you 100 %. And that, i pray i have done my best to provide you with. The fear that you might fail and let everyone down? Girl, every direction i gave, every instruction, at the back of my mind there was always the question that i may be doing the wrong thing. That DEVDAS was a mistake that was going to end in disaster. That i was going to shatter over 30 ppl's dreams and waste their time. They already weren't showing me face.People who always had a better suggestion, ppl telling me what to do. And when to do it. But i just believed in what i was saying and believed that not just i ,but everyone could do it. Trust the people around you. And if you can't, do what i did to our beloved SM. CUT YOUR LOSSES. And most importantly, don't settle for anything less than the best, don't compromise. Unless you're out of time. But even then keep pushing. And publicity? IS POWERFUL. Go all out. listen, you're not going to be alone in this, i am still going to be here. And the next three months, are still mine. You still have time. Worry, i'm not saying don't. Worry that things will go wrong, because they will and can. Right to the very end worry. And after that, continue worrying, cause there's still cleaning and maintaining to do. You will be the back bone of the club. Remember all that we've planned together, its my job to set it up, yours to maintain. You can do it. Just stay committed, and get committed people, And delegate. Yes you , WE have a lot to do, But we can do it. TRUST ME. -KAY-
Have received threats from mother. Move out. Behave exactly as she says. Or get married. WHAT. THE. HELL. i'm never having tea at home again. i might just get match-made. Alright, so it either i start looking through my top ten men i want to marry, or i ship out, cos there's no way in hell i can be what she wants me to be. But for now, i'm gonna hope those were empty threats.
21 January, 2005
WAR. Between my hair and my hair brush. it was a long and hard war, both sides suffered many casualties. So there i was torturing myself in aims to create some sense of neatness in the nest i have on my head, when i realised my dog was trotting around the room. And thats when i decided to help her play hide-and-seek with herself. *lol* Yeah all you have to do in order to bamboozle your dog is to place her in front a mirror,cover her eyes, count to three, and when she sees herself in the mirror she starts yapping excitedly. I have a weird dog. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LIKE MY OWN Father- while ridiculing mother (good-naturedly) " Well your son's like you, and my daughter's like me." Been a while since i heard that. hmm.
17 January, 2005
That's right- the things stress can do to you. It must be the only thing in the world that gives you more gains than losses. I mean you lose your hair and teeth, your health, not to mention looks, if you have any to begin with. And you gain a few wrinkles, grey hairs, and pounds, and also a few heart conditions and blood pressure. Or in the case of my Neighbour, the insane ability to babble. There i was innocently minding my own business , waiting for the lift, when suddenly- Neighbour who's name for the life of me i cannot remember- (to be abbreviated as NWNFTLOMICR or on second thought, N) N: hey! K: (looking very startled) oh hello... N: So how have you been? K: oh ok not too bad.. LoNG PauSe---------------------------------- K: (realises something) K: and how about you? Note: very very very bad move on the part of heroine. Stay tuned to find out why. N: Oh messed up! Thoughts of K-( K: Gee Really?, Couldn't tell...i mean your mismatched socks would have never given you away if they were'nt pulled up quite so high.) N:(wild insane look comes upon face) I mean there are so many projects!, non-stop.when one is being done half-way another one comes in,and then theres no way i can complete it, and the term.. its just sooo messed up, when you finish filing one, I- K:(interrupts before N's head explodes) Um, what exactly are you doing? N: (calms down) i'm in the Arts and Social science faculty, NUS. YOu? K: Oh er, law in TP N: oh wow, that's interesting.. (K: It sure is) Thankfully lift arrives. Unthankfully she enters with K. N: you know i nearly didn't recognise you. (K: I wish you hadn't) N: You look so different. K:(Fakes enthusiasm) RealLy?! oh well, you do too, did you do something to your hair? N: Oh i just shaved it all off (see what i mean by stress makes you lose hair?) K: oh cool, why? N: to raise funds? K: what?! (imagine shock on face) N: yea for the Children's cancer society. .. well it went on for a while...... the lift's kinda slow.... but somewhere along the convo... she partially insulted my dress sense... its ok i forgive her.. stress causes one to say things one does not mean. *grinz*
I just watched True Files on TV. And I just know I am going to have nightmares tonight. I just witnessed a 6 year old boy, Kevin. being abused to the point of death by his mother's lover. And she didn't do a thing to stop him, because her IQ was so low, she believed everything her lover told her. And so she helped him abuse her son. Because she was made to believe it was good for the little boy. Because she was made to believe by her lover that her son had rabies, a common affliction that affected young children, and in order to stop it from spreading to her and her other daughters, she had to listen to him. And so poor Kevin, you were abused by some man who came to stay in your home for months till you went home to the LORD on June 3rd 1999. Don't worry you'll be safe there. You won't be stripped and caned You won't be cut and punched. The people you love will keep you away from harm, not believe some nonsensical story and allow you to get hurt for "your own good." No one will drip hot wax on your testicles and make you cry No one will make you eat you own shit. No one will pretend not to hear your cries, and stay away because it's "not their business" You will never be alone and scared there. Thank GOd that on June 3rd 1999 You went home to the LORD. Don't worry you'll be safe there.
16 January, 2005
Yup, i believe although i absolutely hate coming to Poly, its been good for me in some ways. I know it is absolutely superficial of me to lament about studying in poly, when some ppl don't even have a chance at education. I chose it. I could have gone to JC, but i chose to go to Poly. I chose it, i bought it. I bought my fate. And unfortunately or fortunately, no refunds for me.No returning goods within three days of purchase. Coming to Poly, has made me a much more mature person. I have mellowed down. No more chirpy, no more a ray of sunshine.No more over the top. In fact i swear i am becoming more like Vithya, careful and meticulous in my decisions. Some things still make me deeply angry. But i even anger in a different way. Quiet. I am quiet. Not loud. Not explosive. May be even constantly sad.(Explains all the sleeping.)I walk around school aimlessly, not knowing what to do. Tried studying, but... well, Mr. Leong Wai Kum(or is it miss?) not that you're boring, but perhaps you are... tedious, not overly so, very informative yes.. but... oh yea, on that note, i have acquired tactfulness. Of course i still am sarcastic and opinionated. Still talk alot. But not as much as before.And Of course when i meet old friends whom i haven't met in a while, i revert back to type, to entertain them, wouldn't want them to go on and on about how much i've changed. The current friends already do. Shows how much i have changed in a short space of time. Circumstances. Sigh. I'm even finding plaesure of company with friends i don't normally speak much to.And i realise its actually quite fun. Oh yes before i forget- AZI! wow that thursday was quite fun... i think thats the first time I have ever made you laugh that much. You know AZ, sometimes i purposely draw away from you. Can i honestly tell you why? because sometimes i see people who "care" about you. And i tell myself I don't want to be like them, i want to care for you and be your friend because i do. Not because i want to keep up appearances. And frankly i felt guilty, because i never could help you, or understand your problems. It was way out of my depths. Until recently whenever i think about you, i realise all i have to do is be your friend. And that, i realise, is quite easy to do. Thursday proved it. I even wrote a letter that afternoon to give to you but i never did. Instead, i'm saying it all here. So all i've got to offer you is just friendship. And lately i've realised thats good enough. So yes to all of you, my dramatec members, my course mates. Take Kay as she comes. -------------------------------------------------- The best times of my life in POLY- 1) Meeting interesting people, and becoming good friends with them. 2) Having interesting talk cock sessions with MX, NAZ, MEL, LELA... you ppl talk cock real well. 3) Doing "Sing To The Dawn"- I found a whole new family. (alvin, shahdon, halimah,shuhan,amin, mel,wendy,kin, and alot of other ppl) 4) Having rehearsals in the audi under the stars and burning incense to keep away flies, and all that lighting and dramatic atmosphere, and cool wind. it was awesome. 5) The four days in the audi, although we were hardly a family, there was an air of excitment and anticipation that you could taste and it was delicious. (* to some, i don't know if the DEVDAS experience was as good an experience as it was for me, but throughout, i saw your long and black faces whenever things didn't turn out right. I hope the opening and closing night made up for all the things you had to give up and i hope you will be willing to come back to do the improved version of DEVDAS in the amphi, without much fuss, if you don't want to i understand.Thanks for all you've done*)
I AM CONFUSED. What's new, heh? The confused teenager. Like as if when you grow up, you have all the answers? Look at Pres. Bush. lol. Just what the hell am i supposed to do... freakin hell i don't even wanna put this up here!!! TELL WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HUH????!!!! I feel like screaming my freakin lungs out i feel like i shd be knockin someone straight out This confusion is great i feel like dead bait this powerful emotion is roving its pulsing, its growing as great as oceans its explodin Screamin ! i'm almost out of my breath And boy! here it comes!..down swoops my death i say this with the breath i have left. Don you give me tt smile! not after all of this while I am not a puppy to come waggin my tail if i do, then i know i have failed who i am i will not compromise Otherwise, myself i despise Goddamnit I am Kay. I mean what i say .i say it when i feel it back away if u can't take it. And recently i've been feelin wat i tell will send ya reelin. yes its tt bad!! i don wanna be sad! just exactly wad do u mean? i just here turnin green tryin ta figure you out i've been quiet,now i will just shout! You come back and you just say, hey,wats been up?? just tell? What the fuck , and all this while you've been givin me hell? I've had freakin enuff see cos i noe i am tough my life its been rough. but nuts about me,u don't know but still you run your mouth off so. Sometimes i wanna brush'em off and keep goin. But the same shit you keep doin. that makes me so mad so mad.i wanna tear your head off so bad. Whoa i sound angry. Hmm i wonder what this was about... i seriously can't remember. But hey i still rhyme good.
This truly bites. What bites? It bites when you know you've been wrong. When you know,you've been dormant for way too long. It bites when you know you've been only thinking about yourself. and when your friend cries you just can't tell. It bites when you know you've been having fun at the expense of a friend. When you know you're actually biting, someone dear, a helping hand. It bites to know that you should have been there for friend who needed you, But were'nt because,you thought they've repeated themselves thru and thru. What more use could there be for you? Too many times to just say, just once more. in your heart you've already closed the door. It bites to know that you are unloving, even inward looking. to realise your friends heart into pieces you been a-chopping. It bites to know that you're capable of ridiculing someone, when they're in their darkest hours. This friendship is mine,to change?the decision is ours. It bites to know you could have made a change, but chose to conform and go with the flow. What's happened to Kay,all her principles? She don't know. It's biting. .its biting its bitten straight thru .i think you're almost broken in two. I'm sorry. I sure can rhyme huh?
See i got a new blog, new addy, new start. And then i promptly forgot the username and password. I feel like a genius. But anyways i would have made a new blog, except pragmatism, and laziness keeps me from doing so. So here i am again, at the same old blog. My hurts have healed, or so i suppose, maybe i just forgot, the way i forgot my username and password. Far from head and far from from hurt? is that how the saying goes? is that even a saying? hmm.... I can no longer even remember what i was so upset about. (Maybe talking about it to some extent helped. Thanks Hazey. ) I would make a great dog, short term memory and all. lol. By the way i made a post there at my new blog before i forgot how to use it- www.verdigriskay.blogspot.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ELEKTRA On friday night, several D-Tec members and I went to watch a play in the recital studios of the Esplanade. It was called Elektra, based on some Greek Tragedy linked to the lengend of Troy. Seems Helen, the lady who got abducted, had a sister-Queen Klymnestra, and her husband Agamemnon went off to fight the good fight for sweet Helen. And in the going, he sacrificed his daughter Euphegenia (i think) For some insane reason or other. And after he returned victorious, he was killed by his wife and her bed-mate Agistos.(i think). And of his two children Elektra and Orestos,one was married to a farmer lest she bear a son who would avenge his granddaddy's death, and Orestos was exiled. Well i can't be bothered to type out the rest of that story, but in the end, what happened was Apollo the God told the brother to go kill the murderers who got his daddy, and they did , him and his sister. Who regretted it immediately after. And they had to suffer the consequences of it in the end. But its not the story that matters- These Greeks and their crazy fixation with killing one another and having feasts. Geez. I marvelled at the fact that they 1. Had a team of instrumental players at the side constantly playing, thus reducing the need to compile a soundtrack, they had all the effect they needed, as and when they needed it. 2.The use of coloured lighting, the light sort of molded itself to suit the mood of the play. 3. No unnecessary long pauses, it was one continuos play, someone was always onstage. 4. Minimal costume changes. Modern interpretation of costumes. 5. THe use of BHARAT NATYAM MOVEMENTS TO TELL THE STORY. Now that was impressive. The precise movements of the dancers, the power in their gestures, stamping of feet etc. The swiftness and the unity they showed when they moved together.AMAZING. I have decided. I am going to redo DEVDAS in the amphitheatre, and this time, i am going to work on a different concept. I have been inspired. Keep your heads up ppl DEVDAS WILL COME BACK. Yes there is alot of planning to do, but... i think i can handle it with my new comm.... see ya arnd...
08 January, 2005
I think i am a very unhappy person. Or to put it in D's words- A happy person to whom unhappy things happen to. Yea i think THAT is true. I' am a happy person. I am. Its just that why do things have to be so darn messed up all the time for me? Does it all have to be so complicated? I liked you, yes, i liked you, and i liked you very very much. Call this teen angst. But within the space of my poly years, i think i've gone beyond being a teen with all the things i had to put up with. So don't any of you condescend upon me! But you know, in all the liking and loving, i realised that i am not unique. I have to put up with ppl seeking ME out for consolation about you. Had to put up with answering questions about you, when i don't even know you as well as ppl think i do. Well it has to be that way don't it? with all that keeps me from becoming better accquaintances with you, apart from your in-built resistance and awkwardness, and your freaking "watchdog". You know, i may be deluding myself, but sometimes i see it. I see that you actually do like me. But you'll never say it cause, you tell yourself its not real. Because it Can't be. Because you've been brought up a certain way, and, and you shdn't do things like that, because its against the norm.Ok. I accept. In fact i'll do the same. I think its wrong too. I'll be darned if i ever look at you again or melt at your freaking smile. I'm gonna walk away if i ever hear your name. Or i'll do like a dramateckky and maintain my professionalism. hah. And i just do all the consoling it, not just to NOT give the game away, but, because i saw that there were others who saw what i saw. And because of that, i realised i was not special. I don't like not being different. 2 years. Two long years and after this whole school thing is over. I hope i never see you, or hear about you again. But till then, i will go on pretending as always. Because its easier. Because it reduces conflict. So here i go. *plasters smile to face*.
Hi ppl, realise i have lost my enthusiasm for blogging along with everything else. Maybe i might just blog again when things take a turn for the better. But till then i declare this blog no longer worth updating. This will be my last post till... whenever i want to blog ever again. So i'm going to make it a good post. i suppose i should update about- 1. my Birthday suprise from DT members 2. The stayover in school to finish the set 3. The four days in the Audi 4. Opening night 5. Closing night 6. My Losing of voice. But i'm not going to. Instead, I shall make a Dramatic exit from the blogging world. After all drama is what i'm good. Exaggeration is all part of the game. There comes a time in your life where you know where you stand with everything. And come that time, you must the decision whether you want to stay where you are, or just cut away all thats hurting you, and move on to "greener pastures". I have decided to start with this blog, because this was the mark of the start of all i'm abt to cut away. To the ppl it may affect, don't worry there's nothing to lose. If you look at it, it was built on nothing, it lasted on nothing, and in the ending, again, theres nothing. I'm not talking about the blog. It was brief, it was intense, it had happy times, And more than its share of sad. Its inability to understand Its backstabbing vanity Words, taunts, exclusion. Obsession. Jealousy. I think i've had enough of it. Plenty of hints were dropped, and this time i finally got it and everything clicked into place. Sorry for my intrusion. I'll make sure i make my presence minimal. And all other intruders will be warned as well. I'm not bitter Naz, I'm just tired. You understand don't you? I promised my self to endure till the end of the production, and now that its over, i'm free to do as i please don't i? It is a representive democracy we live in. FARCE, yup that's what it was. To quote someone- Happy on the surface, but boy was there a hell of an undercurrent beneath. Goodbye Cruel blogging world, Someday i might see you again, but till then. Ta. With great tiredness, Kay.
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