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31 March, 2005
By M. Nirmala. WALK into any Singapore school and chances are you will see children playing or moving around with others of the same race, shunning those of other races. Is this behaviour in-born, or learned? Policymakers, academics and parents seem to believe it is learned. Children, many believe, are born colour-blind, so to speak. Childhood is an age of innocence and it is the adult, at home or in school, who plants racially divisive ideas in children, resulting in the way they behave in school. At feedback sessions on race for instance, participants will almost inevitably express concern over the behaviour. They cite anecdotes of Chinese students disobeying teachers who ask them to hold the hands of darker-skinned children, or children of the same race excluding children of other races during recess time. They will then push the line that schools must do more to narrow the ethnic divide that appears to be forming in schools. Sociologists, however, offer a different explanation for the children's behaviour. They say that contrary to popular belief, children are not colour-blind and if given a choice, they seek comfort by being with friends of the same race in school. They call this 'homophily', a behavioural pattern captured in the proverb: Birds of a feather flock together. American sociologists Miller McPherson, Lynn Smith-Lovin and James Cook wrote in an annual sociological review last year that people of the same kind connect in many different situations, such as schools, marriage, friendships and work. Homophily, they say, is the principle that contact between similar people occurs at a higher rate than among dissimilar people. They reported that racial homophily occurs in friendships of schoolchildren as young as six or seven and increases steadily with age. Other studies show that homophily occurs at even younger ages and that boys and girls behave differently. Nottingham Trent University professor Cecile Wright, who has written several articles on multiracialism in British schools, noted from her classroom observations that children as young as three reflected their awareness of racial and ethnic differences. At this early age, children show a preference for members of their own ethnic and racial group and a desire to mix and play with them only. This 'own-group' preference did on occasion reflect antipathy towards children of other skin colour or cultural groups, she said, adding that racism exists in the very young and the young recognise the displeasure of adults who make disapproving remarks. Professor Eleanor E. Maccoby, from the psychology department at Stanford University, noted that boys are less homophilous in their racial choices than girls, probably because of the nature of boys' play, in larger, less intimate groups. Sociologists McPherson, Smith-Lovin and Cook concluded: 'Homophily limits people's social worlds in a way that has powerful implications for the information they receive, the attitudes they form, and the interactions they experience. 'Homophily in race and ethnicity creates the strongest divides in our personal environments, with age, religion, education, occupation and gender following roughly in that order.' These findings are relevant to the efforts made by Singapore schools to promote a greater degree of multiracial understanding. There is Racial Harmony Day, Racial Games Day and assorted programmes like spending time with the families of other races. But are these enough to overcome the powerful homophilic instincts that sociologists believe children are born with? One key question is this: Should schools explicitly teach racial understanding and acceptance as a subject, or leave it to be woven into the school culture? The second approach is sensible as it would ensure that the right values permeate the entire school culture and signal to the children that mixing should happen whether they are studying science or playing sports. But it may not be enough. Schools should also review their policies to see if they have uninten-tionally brought about a racial divide in their student population. Several participants at feedback sessions spoke about racial divides being more obvious in school sports. For example, it is rare to find Indians playing in the basketball or table tennis teams, as the coaches are often Mandarin speakers. The problem is less acute in the classroom, as Singapore schools do not segregate classes according to mother tongues. Even then, teachers have been known to divide students along race lines. In one classroom, a teacher separated Chinese from non-Chinese children working on a class project. The teacher's explanation was that the pupils could communicate better in their mother tongue than in English. Schools play a crucial role in value formation. If flocking together is indeed an in-born instinct, then teachers and school authorities must be all the more aware of what they are up against and take concerted measures for Nurture to overcome Nature I was just reading this article, when my father suddenly started reading from the forum, about how Indian children are not suprised when faced with racist remarks. Then he proceeded on to telling me how he countered racist remarks.I don't think he knew i was reading that.Nor was he anywhere near the computer, so he wasn't reading over my shoulder. *Hmm. i wonder if he's been to my blog lately.* I think I know where I get my urge to quash racism from. lol.
Alright MR/ MISS. Anon. I am completely awake right now, having had 10 hours of sleep, so let's have a little chat. See, i came here and took a little look at my blog, and what a shock i got. lol. Firstly, what? what? you saying i got no right to be sore? EXCUUUUUUUUUSE me, but i think i am perfectly justified. And secondly, i never said i wasn't sore. so do yourself a favour and look before you leap. See you pissed me off, but just a teeny weeny bit, cause this is actually kind of funny, so i'll try to let you down easy, whaddya say? i'm sure you agree. Obviously I have touched on a point that is very sore to some.But I believe it was sorely, required of me to bring it up.So i am very Sore-ry if you feel that i was a tad OTT. Hows that for being SORE huh, Mr./ Miss Anon-i'm too-scared-to-put-down-my-name-cos-i'm-a-coward.? Please show me exactly where I have cast judgement? Highlight, take apart, do whatever, but show me where i have judged another person.Please educate us lesser beings, by showing us what you see. I made a point. You, made a useless comment. I obviously touched a raw nerve with you, i don't know what it is. I don't care. MX thank you for pointing out what the intention of the entry was, something the ANON person could not see. That person is obviously of higher intellect,But i guess we are not all blessed the same way, We can only pray to be enlightened. heh. Any clarifications on the latin phrase? Jas, Yea, its been a while. I'm sorry too. But girl you know what, its not a matter of who is more racist. this isn't a competition. Its about being fair. So what if we all got our comeuppance someday? That hardly changes anything. But i guess its a matter of do unto others what you want others to do unto you. I'm glad you see the sadness of the situation at least.Not many do. *anon* Ness, How long have we known each other? How long have we been friends? How much have we been through? You know me as someone who is highly opinionated, can be excited on provocation, be wary may spout harsh words? And thats exactly what happened, one thing just built on the other, and ker-plooey! You guys are not bad people. You're just human, like i am. And we have our blind spots, and shortcomings and we read the same bible, we love the same God, we all make mistakes too. To set things straight- I love your mother, i love Marc like a brother. Your ma is like the most friendliest, most encouraging person ever, with the best advice and recipes. And Marc is a twerp, with alot of growing up to do. Even he agrees.And your dad... has a nice, shiny head. lol. joking. How can i continue to be angry with such lovable people? Yes, i'm even talking about you Alv. lol Note, i spoke about the act and not the people themselves. Because the people are good-hearted people who didn't realise what they were saying was upsetting. Period. Ness, you yourself have never said anything, not one of the sisters have. You know who i'm talking about. But the important thing i guess, at the risk of sounding cliche and goody two shoe-ish, is that we learn and move on. If i know you guys as well as i think you do, and i think i do, you're the kind of people who'd go out of their way to make amends.Thats how Christian they can be. And if I didn't reciprocate by forgiving, I would be a hypocrite.I shouldn't call myself Christian. You know, if you read the bible carefully, whenever Jesus was persecuted, he always had a biting reply in return for the persecutor. Don't get me wrong i'm not alikening myself to God, cause maybe i wasn't as fair as he was. But if God spoke up for himself, shouldn't we all? Especially if we're justified and have facts and reasons and are not just going by a "feeling" *ahem*. And ness, most importantly i'm sorry for putting it down here instead of saying it to you. I was afraid of coming off as uppity, and what with the whole "Law" student stigma, opening my mouth may have just had me written me off. Because i suspect some people make fun of me to soothe their egos and to make themselves feel better about themselves. And thus i keep my opinions to myself. Hard to do. Soooo... Mr/Miss Anon, i bet you didn't count on us making up now did you? See i've known Ness and Family since i was 12, do the math. I'm almost 19. That's a long time. We're almost family. And families have their squabbles. They're really good at the reunion and making up thing too. Can be quite touching. *blows nose in hanky*. So heres a little tid-bit just for you. You should be honoured i'm paying so much attention to you.I'm on holiday! Don't stick your nose where its not wanted, or you might not get it back. Capische? But if you do feel the itch to reply as your kind usually do, you know the kind who grace the earth with their presence, then make their appearance in the cyber world as well to spout their "words of wisdom"? Go ahead. Just be sure to leave your real name behind, if you dare. Which, i sadly don't think you do.So you just haul ya caboose outta here and i never wanna hear a squeak outta you. Goodbye and have a great day.
29 March, 2005
SUMMERTIME by Renee Olstead Summertime and the livin' is easy Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich and your Mama is good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singin' You're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky, take to the sky But until that mornin' there's nothin' that can harm you With Daddy and Mommy standin' by SummertimeYes, it's the time, I'm talking about summertime And the livin', summer living, and the living is so fine Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich, he's rich, your Daddy's filthy rich And your Mama, hot Mama, your Mama's so good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry Summertime and the livin' is easy Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich and your Mama is good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry. her vocals in this song is so good, so controlled, fantastic. go listen. www.reneeolstead.com
Lol. So one moment i am happily typing away talking to my clowns right? And the next thing i know, i feel this swaying kinda thing. So at first i think i must be getting sick. And then, i realise stuff was swaying... stuff like the chandelier. and the tv and some other lamps. I tell my dad. "Naina, the buildings shaking." "You're sick." "No, Its really shaking." I stand up and I realise I am swaying. He gives me a weird look and stands up himself, and then he realises i am right. Strangely, my dog did not react. The building continued swaying for 4 mins. By then people had left their houses, and started getting worried. It happened before. Back into 2000, and several times in between. It was an earthquake in North Sumatra, somewhere close to where the previous one had been. 8.5/8.2 on the richter scale. CNA reported 1000 calls had been made to the police. Talk about panic, by the time it was over it think my mother had worshipped every hindu god in the hindu pantheon, and packed every document. While daddy-o had proceeded down to speak to people. While i was thinking how on earth i was gonna get the dog out of the house, and which leash i should use.I wouldn't want her getting loose and killing anyone. Well it was shortlived, cos i decided maybe this isn't the night the house was going to collapse,since it stopped shaking, and received a call from Melly-o, shortly after i proceeded back online to continue my mindless typing and to fill them in on the excitement. I think i felt the house shaking slightly several more times, but it wasn't as bad as before. Bloody... I am always the freaking first to feel such things. Maybe it cos i've got both feet firmly planted on the ground. Lol. Can you imagine... we are 8oo km away, and we felt it so badly here. And people in the tsunami struck areas were being evacuated in the middle of the night.Or morning to be more specific.Poor things. Bleedin hell there is no rest for the weary. Seriously. On one hand we are constantly afraid of terrorist attacks. On the other, we now have to be wary of multi-storey high waves that can wash you and your loved ones away. Not to mention house destroying quakes. And various other diseases and viruses that break out and kill people. Oh and did i mention wars always on the verge of breaking out? No i don't think i did. well there you go. Yea i think i just about covered everything, pestilence, wars, famines, floods, diseases, tsunamis... yada yada. Yo Grim Reaper Ma Man! Why don't cha just start waving that sickle around with wild abandon, cos seems to me we all gonna die of one thing or other anyway. No more waiting around for arthiritis, or rheumatism or every other old age disease to set in. Cos we ain't gonna make it that far. Afraid of the world ending? Why? Seems to me its a welcome release to many generations from having to worry each day they live. Sure it's not going to be pretty. It's the end of the world, when it goes out, gotta end with a bang! dontch yall think? We're talking big time displays and scary shite right here. We're talking marks being put on those who sell out to the baddie, just so they can buy and sell. So the rest of the people who don't sell out just gotta starve i guess. Thats just one of the things. Theres gonna be loads of other scary shit coming along. And if you ask me, i can't help but think its going to be in this lifetime. My lifetime. How much worse can the world get? Signs are getting bigger, and if two thousands years ago they were saying the end is Soon , then i think we're just 2000 years closer on the side of the world ending. It'll put an ending to child rapists and murderers and all the other people who commit crimes and acts against God too abominable to mention. So yes, i guess... some endings are past its due. Unless God actually thinks we deserve a chance. But the endings going to be pretty. We'll be with God. It'll be worth it. I think.
28 March, 2005
Volcano has erupted and city is in chaos. Black Policemen picks up young boy from ruins.He is white. policemen: wheres your mommy? Kid: I dunno. Policemen: Well what does she look like? Kid: *looks arnd, everyone is coated in grey dust from head to foot, blacks, whites, latinos, asians* They all look the same. It starts to rain. Colour. Without it. We're all the same. Wanna know who're the real coloured people? The ones who aren't. The white people. when they're cold they turn red. when jealous-purple. Envious? - green. angry?- Black. hey. who you calling coloured?
27 March, 2005
I finally went to church today. The debate in my head concluded that there are many facets to church, one of them being music. And music should not be the deciding factor of whether or not I go to church. Once upon a time there were other factors as well, but i've come to term with those factors, so i don't see what's holding me back. So I went for God. I've come to the conclusion that God feels more at home in simple Chapels and poor churches.Even when he was on earth, he consorted amongst the poor and hungry. After all it is easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle, than a rich man to go to heaven. Conclusion- Don't become rich. Do not be mistaken, that conclusion is courtesy of Nad, not part of scripture. I wonder how he must feel in a 26 million dollar Titanium plated church. So I went, it felt the same. Nothing has changed except for the Church Music Ministry. Got younger people playing. Like Marc, Nessie's Brother. It's his b- day tmw... and they were having some sort of celebration in his house. So off we went. Now there are several kinds of racists :- 1) The kind that won't have anything to do with anyone other than people of their own race. That openly show their dislike, and look down on other ethnicities. 2) The kind that don't really like people of other races but put up with them cos they have to. 3) The selective racists- who only hate dark skinned people and go out of their way to mock them under the cover of jokes. 4) The kind that are racist, but hide it becos it politically correct, and are overly appreciatve of you, till you just wanna "off" them. Now the kind I encounter in my church belong to 3 and 4. The moment i step into my church i can almost taste the back seated dislike and need to segregate. example: One of the audio people had made a typo error with one of the new comers names and thus the name came out as Marlon Khar, instead of Marlon Khor. My tertiary zone leader proceeded on to making a joke- "For a moment there I thought it was an indian name." Turns to me- " Khar is an indian name right Kabetha?". Um right... Just like Chee and Bai are chinese names right? Ok, so it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But there have been other occasions that fellow church members have been less than-"sensitive." Fuck sensitive- as if we require your sympathy for being what we are, being indian or dark-skinned is not an affliction.Therefore, we do not require sesitivity on your part - thanks. The last time i hung out with them, we went to play soccer, and when we neared the court, we realised that there were a couple of Indian dudes playing already. So when it was suggested that the guys go and join in, one of my dear pious cell members quipped- "Argh go and play with those blackies, can't even see who you're playing with, and they're all so sweaty anyway." Until then i'd always been under the impression that guys don't care who they play with as long as they win, apparently their sense of brotherhood abandoned them. Not that i'm the best advocate for Singaporean Indians, i don't have many Indian friends, i can probably count off my fingers the number of Indian friends that I have with one hand. I don't quite agree with them always, or appreciate the way they behave, but i will never cast them aside because of their colour or the way they smell. I suddenly understand why the TPICG always tend to clump together. Keeps them far away from such assholes. That was the last time, i hung out with that group again, until today. Apparently, i went believing that such barbed comments will not surface again.I was naive. You're probably wondering where i'm headed with this whole rant on racism, don't worry, it's linked to Marc's birthday. Because birthday boy decided that lil'ol Kay would make great evening entertainment. So on proceeded the Indian Jokes. And how he went to lil' India. Yada yada.I think you get the hint. Stuff like Marc's Mum: Marc Would you like some chinese Tea? Marc: Nah, i want Indian Tea, got any?, Nope? Ok never mind, i'll stick to this- *points to coke* it looks indian enough, *proceeds to laugh with neanderthal friends* (Now to all you intelligent people out there, he was trying to draw inference between the fact that the drink is black, and according to his perception of the indian world where most indians are "black"- coke is therefore an "indian"drink.) Neanderthal Friend: Marc don't be so racist la. Marc: Me racist? What about you? NF: Atleast i hide it.. *trails off looking at me* Marc: Why bother? she's my friend, you can just say what ever you want.I say even worse things to my other Indian friends. *NF laughs somemore* *other such idiotic comments were passed at my expense. Now, i appreciate the whole being comfortable to say anything to friends thing. But listen up, my skin colour or my race is not something you can throw darts at for fun. And i don't care if your other Indian Friends condone what you say. But I won't. It is sad to see someone accept insults because they think its normal, and they want to save their "friendships". BUT I DON'T CARE. You know what the icing on the cake is? See there was ice-cream for the birthday boy right? And there were these Hello Kitty Magnets that came along with it. And what does Marc say to that? "Aiyah, Throw it away, its satanic." I see. I sat there while they debated the points of satanism on why the hello kitty is a satanic tool of destruction, and quietly mocked at them. Not because they're dumb. Although that is quite mock-worthy. But because, you attend church,you pray and spend time reading up on what is Satanic and wrong and profess to love God and even play in his music ministry in church, and so you keep away from all that is "satanic" and don't condone ungodly behaviour. And yet it's ok to pass racist comments at the expense of a friend, and segregate between Indians and Chinese, and make hurtful comments? DID YOUR GOD TEACH YOU THAT? We both read the bible,show me what's in there that seperates me from you. or makes me less worthy? The hypocrisy kills me. Somebody pass me a gun, i want to shoot myself and go to hell for committing suicide instead of living in a world full of fuckers. And you know what the worse part is? Next to me sat the NF's girl friend. Who i know for a fact is half Indian. Chindian to be exact. And the girl sat there laughing halfheartedly, probably thinking of one of her parents who happens to be indian, and that she should be insulted as well. Nice going. She kept quiet instead of shutting him up. For God's sake. when will people learn how to speak up? So I did. And for those of you who know the things i can say when i really get pissed, you can only imagine what i said. Cause I sure was not nice to the birthday boy. Made me happy to see him squirm. Hah. And i won't put it down here because its not nice to repeat it. Too insulting. I don't blame Marc. Seriously. He comes from a home, where the mother says things like- "If someone walks in here and sees you, they'll probably tink you're my maid." I nearly stabbed her to death with the knife i was using to help her peel potatoes. Sorry, but not all dark-skinned people are maids and not all labourers and maids are indian/Sri Lankan/ Bangladeshi. I left early. I couldn't bring myself to be polite and stay for desert. I made my apologies and kept my mouth firmly shut when this conversation took place. Marc's mum: So early? K: Yes, i'm expected back home sorry. M.M.: You're nearly Nineteen you know. NF: Yea, you're legal. Marc's father.: No that's 21. NF: HUH? i thought it's 18. M.F: Nah, that's for Indians, 21's for Chinese. NF: Huh really ah? K: Laughs fakely...* All pretense of propriety abandoned* He just rewrote the bloody constitution and you're listening to him?! So i left. And this is the kind of rubbish I put up with almost my whole life. I don't expect it to end. Singapore One my foot. Its always there. It was there when i entered secondary school and was presented with the knowledge that racism existed there as well, after 6 years of endless taunting. So i just stood there in the middle of lesson and cried soundlessly and non-stop.It was unfair and sickening. And in my innocence i cried cos it made me so sick. And over the years the tears stopped and i started defending myself with anger. At first with violence, then with words. Thats right, i faced off with guys twice my height, who backed down when they realised i was serious, and shut up. I was wary of them and completely shunned anything Indian for awhile. I rejected my culture, and Tradition. Because they got to me, and i started to think, there must be something wrong with it. But they were wrong. because i decided i liked it, and decided to retaliate by learning more about who i am. Then i realised maybe its not racism totally. Because, i've never been accepted by indians either. Not even my own cousins. Not really anyway. So i don't fit in with the chinese, or the Indians, i don't fit in , in church.And although i seem to fit in at school. How long will it last? I will graduate sooner or later. And in any case, as nice as my friends are, sub-consciously or consciously, they let slip the preconceived and ill-feelings towards Indians and other races, one too many times. Which again proves my point about ever-present racism. I mean its pretty hard to get rid of beliefs that were taught to you along with your baby food, which by the way you swallowed for fear of being sold away to the apoo-neh-neh who lives in the rubbish dump. So i've signed up for Prison Ministry. The way i see it, these people get persecuted for a mistake they've committed, and even though they've repented, everyone still harbours preconceived notions about them. Maybe i'd fit in better with them.
25 March, 2005
My mother is beautiful. She is so white, she's pink. Her eyeballs are so white, they're blue. She's got freckles. She's got long,reckless hair like mine. She's skinny, but shapely. She's petite. (short, put nicely- 1.5 m) She's baby-faced. Has got lovely dimples when she smiles. And there is great debate between me and my brother as to whether she looks like an old Kareena Kapoor or Madhuri Dixit. But stress has had its effects on her. i wouldn't care if my mother was the ugliest lady in the world. Because she would still be beautiful. only she knows what i like and don't, only she worries whether i've eaten or not. And only she would wake up at dawn to make me breakfast, and send me to school. Only her lap is the best to lie in. And as boring as her cooking can get. Only her cooking is the most delicious, filling, and love-filled. The House feels different when shes around. It feels filled. She doesn't have to do anything but occupy a room, and the house feels cleaner, smells nicer, looks brighter. I even know when she has cleaned the house. It feels complete, unlike when my father does it, then the house carries a feel of military-ism. Hmmm... I like my mum...
My mother loves Yoga. I know i've lamented to some of you ppl, about the various things I have to do in the name of yoga. But seriously...contorting oneself should be banned regardless of the health benefits. Every evening when the 'rents and i congregate in front of the Telly to catch Selvi... Selvi... Selviiiiiiiiiiii... my mother starts contorting.And then she smugly challenges me to do it. Oh Lord. Must say she was quite shocked to find out how flexible i can get. And then she Jealously attributes it to me being young. Self-serving bias, i tell you. I've always been flexible.. hah! But then again... i've always been young..hmmmm. *ponders* But even stranger i've come to find out... is that my mother actually refers to my father about Yoga. And heres why... my father spent a better part of his childhood studying Yoga and all the various types and etc.. Ma showed pictures of him in the yoga class, my reaction to that was- "oh you mean that was him?", to which she cuttingly replied, "Then Who the Neighbour ah?". Well he has Four Brother You Know. *mumbles* Apparently my Granddad used to fly in Swamijis to run classes and teach in the temples.Whoa. Another bigger shock, would be the fact that back then, my family, along with the P. Govindasamy Family, and other prominent Hindu families,used to be the forefront of the Hindu community in Singapore. The Hindu Endowment Board were regular visitors in Granddaddy's home. Along with people like the Mysore Maharajah, and East India Company Officials. I'm not suprised. you should see my Granfather's book collection. Kundalini Yoga, Jyanana Yoga, Hypnotism, Meditation, Buddhism, Islam, Books on Business. He must have been quite the theologian and businessman, looking at the sandalwood business empire he built in India. But of Course it all collapsed.hah... Useless. Strange how he's not very remembered. Although, i think it must be due to him doing whatever he did, under the cover of anonymity. Whatever donations, whatever building project- he always contributed as Anonymous.I suppose he liked the principle of not haing his right hand know how much his left gave. Whenever my father speaks of him, he speaks with respect, with fear, and with reverence. I have never seen him give anyone quite that much respect before. Its almost scary, that there actually once was a person my father was actually afraid of. Looking at pictures of him, i see a very tranquil, dignified person, who probably could silence anyone with a look.Doesn't look very humourous. Come to think of it he looks like a statue, like a priest.His skin was Ebony black, whoa. He was a frail person, with great faith apparently. Whenever i was at my Granny's and i used to pass by his picture, I used to spend some time looking at it. Its got a Sandal wood Garland on it, Sort of tribute to his success as an entreprenuer. He has a very neat appearance, not a hair out of place.And he certainly does not look indian, he looks otherworldly. Like you know those Martian head statues they have in that battery commercial But, it was his eyes, his eyes got me everytime. I like to look people in the eye.It can unnerve them, because not everyone dares to be looked in the eye.Not everyone likes their soul to be seen. But he, he stares straight back at me, don't tell me its because its a picture. I have a feeling if he was still around he would have no problem looking me in the eye. He has most knowledgeable set of eyes, like eyes that have seen everything, and yet believes he's seen nothing yet. Like he's got hope in something. Every One of my uncles have a picture of him in their homes, except for my dad. Personally I think he's too afraid to have him around. He was a strict Father. One thing he was especially remembered for? His never ending search for God. The scores of books he collected, hoping to find some kind of answer in them, is a sort of testimony of his search.He believed in Hinduism, and did everything it prescribed, literally went to the ends of the earth, bought acres of "holy" land, everything, he did everything. He died in 11 November 1981. He was Eighty Years old. Ramanujam Naidu. He died still Searching for God. hmmm... I hope his Grandaughter will be more successful. Rest in peace Dada ji. Happy Good Friday.
(Only cos its 6.15 in the morning and i have insomnia) He has starred in 55 movies He has a son and daughter. His son was the voice of Dash from the Incredibles in the Disney Hindi version. He's never cheated on his wife.(Give this man a hand people! Finally a man who hasn't committed adultery. Pr atleast is smart enough to hide it.Really well.) He was a good student and sports man He's muslim. I'm finally sleepy. Unfortunately i have to go to church in a while. Damn.
Shah Rukh Khan 7th Floor, Amrit Apts., 15th Carter Road, Bandra, Mumbai 400 050 I found his address... He lives in an apartment???? walau.... Cheapskate.
Rahul (Shahrukh Khan) and his extremely cute daughter Anjali are left alone following the death of the beautiful and wise Tina (Rani Mukherjee). But before her death Tina manages to prepare a lasting gift for her only child, a series of letters to be read on Anjali's first eight birthdays. The final letter provides little Anajli with a revelation and a mission: Anjali was named for Rahul's best friend in college, the tomboyish Anjali (Kajol) whose actual love for Rahul went unrecognized, and whose heart was broken when Rahul married Tina. The film thus initiates a secret pact between the female characters in the film, living and dead, to re-unite Rahul and his "best friend" and to reveal their long-suppressed love for one another. That might be easy enough were Anjali not engaged to all-around-nice-guy Aman (Salman Khan). Can hearts be reunited without hearts being broken? If the final results provide no great surprise, the film generates continual pleasure through the process that leads to a satisfying conclusion, a process that motivates the audience's joy, respect, laughter, and tears I like the sound of this story... You know i watched some scenes from the movie involving the two best friends... and i couldn't help but be reminded of two people that i know. I think i must watch this movie... Sounds good..
23 March, 2005
Oh well, have to be up in two hours anyway... Ta.....
That's right. MRS SLAP is one of the acronyms for my OB revision. Personality attributes all condensed into a very mean sounding old lady, that would probably belong to an old ENID BLYTON book. MRS SLAP- Motivation, Risk taking, Self-esteem, self-monitoring, locus of control, Authoritarianism, personality type. Speaking of slaps- I gave myself one today. Accidentally. Well a mosquitoe was hovering close to my face, and me being Kabby, the Mosquitoe Slapper, had to fulfill my calling. I smartly tried to squash it flat - against my face. And then i promptly strated yowling, 1. because of the pain. 2. Because i now had yucky mosquitoe innnards on my face. ( I swear i see a zit there.) And then my brother showed up probably hoping something had killed me, or atleast hurt me bad. Bro: What happened? Me: I smacked myself. Bro: Why? ( he gets his genius genes from me.) Me: *mumbles* Swipes in the air, to catch more mosquitoes. He gets the idea- Bro: omigod! you smacked yourself trying to kill a fly!!! * for your information, mosquitoes can be highly dangerous. Hmph* Brother almost bust a vessel laughing. I wish he did. On the bright side, i was saved from further humiliation because he didn't know the pesky aviator's remains were on my face, and i killed a few more of its brothers for revenge. I suspect i will be ridiculed greatly for this. But i am Kabby, the Mosquitoe slapper. Beware, i might slap you on the pretext of killing a fly.
22 March, 2005
Hmm..... amidst all the writing... i was picking up a couple of sheets of paper, and from it fell a very outdated Every Day With Jesus. For those of you who don't know its a booklet sort of thing with daily sayings from the Bible that last you about a month. So i pick it up to read, cos it was open to a page, apparently i was 3 days into reading it before i stopped. So it was turned to 3rd May 2004. And heres what it said- The answer to the question "How do i Find God?" is this: You do not have to find him; you simply have to let him find you. The Bible clearly teaches us that not only do men and women search for God, but that God himself searches for them. Read the whole of Luke chapter 15. The parable of the lost coin and the lost son? Jesus is saying that the God of the universe is involved in a persistent and redemptive search for us. How amazing! 'In finding God' said Mahatma Gandhi to a missionary, ' you must have as much patience as a man who sits by the ocean and undertakes to empty the ocean, lifting up one drop of water with a straw.' The great man was wrong. These parables tell us why as they fling back the curtains and let us see the God of the sheperd-heart who searches and searches for the lost sheep until He finds it; the God who sweeps the universe with the broom of his redemptive grace until He finds the coin on which His image is stamped. the God whose love is so powerful that it lays siege to the hearts of those who have not run from their Father's house. The thrilling truth is this- you do not have to search laboriously for God. He is actually searching for you. And His search for you guarantees that your search for Him will result in divine-human encounter. The Hound of Heaven I fled Him, down the nights and down the days; I fled Him, down the arches of the years; I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways... --- I turned a corner, and realised i lost him.Then He tapped me on my shoulder. - Kay. * a rev. vers.* (Francis Thompson - The Hound Of Heaven.--- http://www.ewtn.com/library/HUMANITY/HNDHVN.HTM)
21 March, 2005
Once upon a time there was a girl In her early years she had to learn How to grow up living in a war that she called home Never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room Hoping it would be over soon Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same I still remember how you kept me so afraid Strength is my mother, for all the love she gave Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday And I'm Ok I often wonder why I carry all this guilt When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door The echo of a broken child screaming please no more Daddy don't you understand the damage you have done? To you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid Strength is my mother, for all the love she gave Every morning that I pray, I look back at yesterday It's not so easy to forget All the marks you left along her neck When I was thrown against cold stairs And everyday afraid to come home for fear of what i might see next Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same And I still remember how you kept me so afraid Strength is my mother for all the love you gave Every morning that i wake, i look back at yesterday And I'm ok ============================================ It is always good to reflect, and remember.It keeps you rooted. Keeps you from floating away. From disillusioning yourself that you live in a clean, happy world, with good trusting people, and all you have to do is earn a degree and get a good paying job and you're settled for life. Of course thats true! Selective Perception, Perceptual Defense (Yay!, OB revision!) You'll never see what you don't want to see. You'll only believe what you want to believe. The teachers in my primary school were like that. All they saw was the undone homework, and all the various MCs, and frequent latecoming.And i don't mean 15-20 mins, i mean late by half a day. All they ever thought was that the school reputation would be ruined, and our ranking would go down. So the only remedy? On the teachers part- Emotional abuse-- Public Humiliation. Isolation. Harsh Words. Mockery. Banging shut the door in my face and making me stay there throughout the lesson. and if the Principal came by, the teacher would feign suprise, and say "You should have said something, i didn't even know you were there.!!" Right. And sometimes on the part of the girls, physical abuse. We're talking Hockey Sticks here. And Shot Putts. Ouch. I didn't retaliate, couldn't. Didn't have the sharp tongue i have now. Or any one else on my side. Everyone wanted to be liked. And standing up for Kabetha, meant you were just like her. Whatever i was. At one point my mother even came to school with me and stayed there the whole day with me, for almost a year. But that didn't change things, they even started taunting my mum. They now had a new form of torture to use on me. Comments about my mum. So i put up with it. So at home, i had to put up with stuff. And at school... hmmm.... more of stuff. I'll never forget the last day of Primary Six. When some of them queued up in a line and apologised to me. It was like mass confession for all the things they'd done. Pushing me off the school stage, all the nasty notes and names. Sorry for this and sorry for that. Aww, you would think they were angels the way they took my hand in theirs and gave me that sincere look before uttering that one word they think would cleanse them of their sins. Well, sorry, i'm not God. It didn't make a difference to me. Cause i just picked up my bag. And left. I took the bus home. Put away my uniform and never thought about that school again. Not until i had to collect PSLE results. Even then, i stood outside the teachers room, while my father went in to collect. Because it seemed to me, that if people were really sorry for all the things they've done, they would done something about it back when we were still schooling. Not come up to me on the last day expecting some kind of forgiveness. And in any case after a while i stopped feeling hurt cause, that sort of treatment became part of life for me. Because, i received that treatment at home, and that treatment at school. I remember one girl who was nice to me. Anushka. She would tell the rest to shut up when they made fun of me.She had a nice Grandmother too. Real friendly.And there were a couple of malay girls, who because i was excluded from some stuff, they'd come and keep me company. Well wherever you guys are, i appreciated that. Lol. The things children do. Well some of them, haven't really changed. They're going to be saying sorry all their lives for things they'd done to hurt people. And come judgement day, they're still going to be saying sorry. But by then. it'll probably be too late. Well don't start pretending to feel all sorry for me. Don't need it. This is just my way of remembering things. And counting my blessings. It is always good to reflect and remember. Cause i know there are time where i use someone's weakness against them. Or times i laugh at someone for being different. Plenty of times. Times when i treat someone badly. I guess just like those girls I can only say sorry. And hate myself for the things i've done. But unlike them, whenever i have the chance to make a change. I will. Cause i know what it feels like. God give me strength to do the right thing, when its so easy to follow the crowd, point, laugh and pass comments. No i haven't turned into a saint. Just hopefully a nicer person. It is always good to reflect and remember. But only do this when you can remember things without fear of the reflection breaking into sharp little pieces and causing you pain. I'm ok.
20 March, 2005
I'm going to be happy everyday. And i'm going to do things. Because i'm bothered to. Caring for people is tough. If it were so easy, everybody would be doing it. Its tough because everyone keeps thinking that nobody would understand their problems That noone would see it their way. That their problems are complicated. When they're actually not. And then they immerse themselves in their depressive state, and shut everyone out. Give themselves so much pressure, and keep thinking too much. I might be one of them... but i know my way out.
Disappointed I am disappointed. i know you guys when you come to my blog you wanna read something happy. Too bad. Happy month is over Welcome.. to reality... *Floats down* I warn you, its not too late to go read a blog about the Happiest little elf,named Skippy, who lives in Smiley Woods. Because this entry is going to be morbid and dread filled. Well i've warned you. This entry is about the various disappointments a Girl Name Kay Had to face. Kay, or rather Kabetha is the Eldest Child of the Naidu family. Now she knows she can do alot of things, but she just never bothers unless she needs to. Except for one. She hates messiness. Thats right, the moment she jumps out of bed at times she starts cleaning. Sometimes,during her dogs shedding season, in the dead of the night, when she wakes to get a drink of water, and she sees balls of fur tumbling round, she grabs the broom, rolls up her sleeves and starts attacking them till the hall is furless. She cannot sleep if there is dirt undealt with. Now what could disappoint Dear sweet mess hating kay? Well, the club she's in charge of, seems to be full of selfish, self-righteous ppl, who cannot work together without squabbling.People who don't want to listen.who never complete work on time, yet complain when they're given nothing to do. And complain even when there's nothing to complain about. Now there are several kinds of people in this world. For eg., the people who don't want to listen and think themselves to be right all the time. they Are the most dangerous. They want attention. They want power. well...sadly, Kay nvr expected this.Cos she thought quite highly of them. But.... but.... ppl are nvr what we expect are they? Even the best of them can suprise you at times. She cares for ppl. But the ppl... don't seem to care for each other. That kind of world is lost. That same world was a place where sense was very common, and logic prevailed. Where, if fact where to be compared to opinion, fact would prevail. Well Kay can do loads of things. But this one time, she doesn't know if she should save this club. It is all so messy. And this is one mess, Kay cannot clean. She's given up. How sad. Kay has never given up before. It feels strange. Like a big gaping wound in the middle of her chest. And now she cannot sleep. There you go... you were cautioned. So there is no Cause of Action in Tort. Hmmm.. we are very concerned.
You can search. Leave all that you once knew and walk away. That cross on your wall. Break it. Routine. Break it. Good Luck. I'm sad. Screw Happy month. I declare it prematurely over. It's a failure. I prefer angry, constantly upset and stressed me. Shit. Why did i have to go read that? Why did you have to leave? Now? Selfish me. Relying on another's faith to keep me going. Stupid me. Its true. I hate some of the same things you do. The fakeness, the superficiality. The "Faith". But i don't wanna leave. I'll find my own answers. Somehow. I'll Find my silent peace. that's right you would think those words are synonomous. But to some- peace can come from rock concert like prayer sessions that put them on fire!!! I want silent peace. i'll find it. i want the original word. i'll find it. I know i'm where i should be. And i know it's not a farce. Because God was a man come down to earth. Not because someone told me that. But because HE told me that. And he died on a cross, although, i have my blasphemous questions the answers? I'll find it. i'll find it.
19 March, 2005
© 2002 Rogelio A. Lasso Washburn University School of Law INTRODUCTION Most law students experience minor law-school-related stress. Some, however, experience severe, crippling, forms of stress. The following observations have been developed over many years but are not meant as professional advise. Students with symptoms more serious than temporary feelings of inadequacy about their abilities to perform in law school should seek professional help. LAW SCHOOL STRESS IS UNAVOIDABLE Actually, stress is unavoidable. Stress is a natural part of our lives. Some stress is actually a healthy aspect of living. Our body is designed to react to both types of stress. Low level stress (sometimes referred to as "eustress") actually helps to keep us alert, motivates us to face challenges, and drives us to solve problems. These low levels of stress are manageable and can be thought of as necessary and normal stimulation. High level stress ("distress") results when our bodies over-react to events. It leads to what has been called a "fight or flight" reaction. The law school experience seems designed to create stress, particularly during the first year. Students confront new, complex subject matters, each with its own unique and sometimes obscure language. Most students realize early in their first year that there aren't enough hours in the day to read, much less to comprehend, all the materials required for their classes. That produces stress. The sheer volume of work required in law school leaves little time for other interests and responsibilities. Relationships, and family life tend to suffer, adding to the stress. Even students who choose to have a balanced life during law school, are stressed by their inability to complete all class assignments. Add to that the fact that in most classes, the whole semester's grade depends on how well your brain works during a certain 3-4 hour period at the end of the semester and it's no wonder why law school is so stressful. BUT THERE ARE WAYS TO RELIEVE NORMAL LAW SCHOOL STRESS Although you can't avoid it, you can certainly learn to cope with most law school stress. There are two levels of law school related stress: normal and extreme stress. Most students can learn to cope with normal stress. If the stress reaches extreme levels, students should seek professional help. Normal, ordinary, run-of-the-mill law school stress Most students will suffer some form of normal, ordinary law-school-related stress. The symptoms of ordinary stress include minor, temporary, anxiety; temporary feelings of insecurity; either some loss or gain of appetite; irritability; and some minor loss or gain of sleep. Most students can cope with ordinary stress with some guidance from family, friends, peers, or consulting with a school counselor. Here are some guidelines that may help you cope with normal, ordinary law-school-related stress: Preparation, Preparation, Preparation. How we perceive and interpret the events of life dictates how our bodies react. If we think something is very scary or worrisome, our bodies react accordingly. Alternatively, when we view something as manageable, our bodies remain alert but do not become alarmed. The secret to dealing with law-school-related stress is to manage its causes. Most law-school-related stress is a reaction to two related facts: (1) the overwhelming amount of work law school requires; and (2) the competitive nature of law school. The most reliable technique to relieve the stress from the amount of work required is to prepare, prepare, prepare! If you start early and keep up with readings and outlining, you will feel prepared in class and you will be prepared by the time finals arrive. Feeling prepared will allow you to perceive the amount of work as manageable and, thus, reduce class and final exam stress. Stress due to law school's competitiveness is trickier to relieve. Every year I meet several students who aspire to be number one in the class and several dozen who aspire to be in the top ten percent of the class. Their failure to consider two factors will add to their stress. First, most of their classmates are at least as smart and hardworking as they are. Second, there can only be one number-one student, and, out of a class of 150, only 15 can be in the top ten percent. The only way for students to reduce stress related to law school's competitive nature is to re-adjust their view of their place in the law school hierarchy. If their focus is entirely on being at the top, they will stress about it even if they reach their goal since they have to repeat the feat every semester. A healthier (and less stressful approach is to focus on doing the best job you can within the parameters you choose for your life. If your attitude is "I'll work as hard as I can and if I do well, fine, if I don't do as well, that's fine too, you are less likely to be stressed. Exercise Engaging in regular exercise is an effective way to reduce ordinary stress. It does not have to be a hard, competitive sport. Find something you can do every day or several times a week and try to make exercise a part of your routine. Walking for an hour a day or running for a half hour can work wonders to relieve stress. Find out if students at the law school or the University regularly engage in some semi-organized play such as basketball, volleyball, softball, soccer, rugby, tennis, or racquetball. Start a line dancing or salsa club. Go to the gym at school or join a local fitness center. Do weight training or some other form of exercise several times a week. For me racquetball and tennis became part of law school routine, for my wife it was racquetball and aerobics. TM, Biofeedback Although it requires some professional instruction, transcendental meditation and biofeedback are proven methods of lowering stress. Prayer The power of prayer should not be underestimated as a way to deal with daily stress. Remember, it is all about learning to perceive law school work as manageable. Recent studies have shown that persons who have a personal relationship with a higher being are generally healthier and better able to handle stress. Moderate drinking Although I certainly do not endorse excessive drinking, studies show that a glass of wine or a beer with dinner has many healthful effects, including helping to lower stress. For more information on the health effects of moderate alcohol consumption, visit http://www2.potsdam.edu/alcohol-info/Health/Health.html Rolfing - massage I have had students who recommend weekly massages as helpful to relieve stress. Humor Studies show that laughter is very effective at relieving ordinary stress. You don't have to become a professional clown or a comedian to develop a sense of humor. All you need is to develop the ability to find humor in life in general and law school in particular. If you can laugh at yourself and see humor in minor daily frustrations, you can minimize the burdensome feeling associated with school, work, and life. A sense of humor not only reduces stress, it increases productivity. Make a list of things that make you laugh and engage in them. Start with easy stuff like movies, books or television shows by your favorite comedians. The Marx brothers, Monty Python, and Barney Miller helped me through law school. For some online stress-relieving humor, visit: http://www.projetech.com/stress.htm Sing in the shower I am not making this up. In a recent issue of Working Mothers Magazine, author Maureen Fleury claims that "Loud singing demands deep breathing, which relaxes the singer. Hold the notes for as long as you can." Visit http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/working_mothers/26563 Or Healthline magazine at http://www.healthline.org/articles/hl960505.htm Put law school in perspective Think about the following: After 4 years of undergraduate school, and 3 grueling years of law school, your ability to practice law will depend entirely on how well you perform on the bar exam which consists of two (2) six-hour days answering 8-12 essay questions and 200 multiple choice questions. That's right, think of the stress you'll have while preparing for the BAR EXAM. By comparison, law school stress is like a walk in the park! Now, don't you feel better??? If you are still stressed but persist on a law degree, here is an alternative: There is a school in New Jersey that has a 7-minute law school. This is how it is described in a brochure: No theories. No research. No writing. No heavy lifting. While other institutions pride themselves on their ability to teach their students to think like lawyers, we teach you only to talk like lawyers. You'll learn to say things like: a. You must take the plaintiff as you find her; b. This doesn't pass constitutional muster; c. De Minimus; d. In many ways, the defendant is also a victim; e. Objection! Irrelevant! f. Your honor, a right without a remedy is meaningless. Visit with a Counselor at Washburn's Counseling Center Washburn's Counseling Center is located in Morgan Hall, Room 122. It is open 8 am to 5pm during the week. You may call 231-1010, extension 1299 or stop by the Center to schedule and appointment. You may walk-in if there is an emergency. Counseling services are free to Washburn students. HOW YOU CAN TELL IF YOUR STRESS IS EXTREME Symptoms of Extreme Stress Here is real letter from a real law student to a counselor at Columbia Law School: I think I just had my breaking point. I don't know how much more stress I can take. I tried to check out stress-reduction workshops but the next one is next semester. I don't really want to see a psychiatrist, I don't know what to do. Basically, I think a lot of my stress is because it is just so difficult for me to focus or concentrate on anything. My thoughts are running everywhere. I try, I really do. I even moved into a single for it. I feel so incompetent. I don't give a damn about making friends, I'm always feeling lonely. And worst of all, there is always something that makes me so worried, panicked, to the point of just wanting to die to relieve me of it. I have chest pains when I sleep sometimes. When I stand up to do something, I always forget what to do . . . always. This letter that I'm writing has taken me an hour to write because I have to pause so many times to think about my classes. Whenever I do anything away from my desk during my designated "study time" I feel so guilty. Last weekend, I couldn't eat because I didn't want to leave my room to go to the kitchen to eat anything. Yet I am always behind in my school work. Since transferring here this semester, I have never felt confident, relaxed, or satisfied about anything. Everything annoys me. I annoy me. This letter probably sounds really unorganized but I can't organize my thoughts. I went to see a Broadway play and loved it but just really hated myself for seeing it when there was so much work I had to do. When I would read my texts, I would try to read faster so I could get all of it done and a lot of times just out of nowhere I would get so upset and start crying over my book and myself and my life. I've decided I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of not being able to breathe and get chest pains when I get stressed. Please help me. You can be grateful the environment at Washburn Law School will not likely promote this level of stress. However, if you or someone you know seems to be affected by law school to this extreme, you should seek professional help. Ask any one of your professors for help, call the school's counseling center (x 1299), or go see a trained therapist. Here are a couple of web sites dedicated to stress management. The first is called "Stress Management: Ten Self-care Techniques" and it is maintained by the Cook Counseling Center at Virginia Tech University. Its URL is http://www.ucc.vt.edu/stdysk/stresmgt.html Another is called "How to Master Stress" and it is maintained by a commercial entity called "Mind Tools Bookstore." Its URL is http://www.mindtools.com/smpage.html There is a site called "Stress Management for College Students" which contains links to several university web sites dealing with stress management. Its URL is http://imt.net/~randolfi/StressLinks.html#College
18 March, 2005
Happy Month feature! Alright people, i know i promised a daily feature... but i am limited by circumstances and limited human contact.. so yes! Today i shall write.. about whom you ask? Why about our very own resident loony bin HAZELYN!!!!!!!! Aiight what do i love about this lady? the list would be shorter if i said what i didn't like. So let me start there. alright here i go- what i don't like about Hazey. _*leaves wide empty space*___________________________________ Ok now for What i do like about Hazey!!! Sincerely, can anyone find a better senior? I know we didn't really get off on the best foot. But i guess we embraced our differences and became real good friends. And its bout time someone paid homage to all you've done. Good-hearted, lovable, absolutely cute. SRK ACT ALIKE not LOOK ALIKE. A true blue Good soul who strives for what everyone else should- God's love. Might say she's not doing enough. Chill babe- the fact that you even think about it counts for alot.Although she may disagree.Correction, will disagree. She's somebody who cares and wants to care. And because she does she's probably gonna get hurt alot, but if any one can persevere Hazey can. Shes someone who wants to make a difference in this world. And she will. In fact already has, in this part of the world, right here in lil'ol TP, whenever she spoke to despondant youths like myself. Darn Shes so gd hearted, ppl meeting her for the first time usually take a liking to her the moment they shake her hand. I'm not kidding. Now where do you find this amazing individual? For the next few days she'll be known as a Law and Mgt student, following which she's alumni.. Catch her if you can! For now- Ta! and HAPPY HAPPY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mum says staying at home has made my skin lighten in colour. you know i think she might be right. I look less reddish- brown and more yellowish. hmm. who needs Garnier? :D
I finally got to watch it. Dragged Nad along. Had loads of knowledge poured into me about Islam. That is one interesting religion. Hmm. Anyways- yes movie. Ah, as expected- the movie flowed like a kid's story book. Costumes and make up were excellente. I loved the whole atmosphere of the movie it was in shades of grey- EVERYTHING. the lighting was good, consistent, and well utilised, it really conveyed alot, the whole movie was dark, and sombre. The costumes were imaginative w/o going over board, which is mor e than i can say for Count Olaf, played by Jim Carrey. His antics although tickling the younger audience, did not do much for the older, who by now have tired of it.Having seen it in The Mask, and various other Jim Carrey movies. I could say he tried to upstage his younger actors, who's acting by the way, was boring, more could have been done in terms of "detail", adding more colour to the scenes. There wasn't much history given to the "Club" their parents belonged to. Very thin plot i should say. And my opinion is, the youngest sister who bites, Sunny, should have been given more screen time. And the older siblings need to learn how to emote, the same applies to most hollywood actors. Gawd. Overall the only thing that saved this movie was everything but the acting. I give it a 2.5 out of 5.
17 March, 2005
SECRETIVE Chloe after getting to know Clark's secret.. Chloe: Yeah, well, then I guess sometimes it sucks being me. [Pause.] Lois, if you found out something, something someone didn’t want you to know about them, would you tell them? Lois: That depends. Is that person someone you care about? Chloe: Yeah. Lois: And does keeping the secret hurt anyone? Chloe thinks about it. Chloe: No. Lois: Then my answer is no. If I really cared about that person, I wouldn’t tell them that I knew. But I would go out of my way to be supportive of them so that hopefully, one day, they would be comfortable enough to tell me themselves. Chloe: No offense, Lois, but that’s the last thing I expected to hear from you. Lois: I’ve learned the hard way that people keep secrets for a reason, even from the people they’re closest to. [Chloe looks thoughtful and sad.] Chloe is there something you want to tell me? Are you the one with the secret? Chloe: No. No, it’s not me. Lois: Okay. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks or so. Chloe: Yeah. Lois: I’m sure whoever it is that you’re talking about will tell you when they’re ready. Chloe: [Nods.] Thanks. They hug. Lois: Bye. Chloe: Bye. Have a safe drive home. Lois: Okay. Lois leaves the Torch. Chloe turns back to the Wall of Weird and focuses on a section that has several articles featuring Clark. Chloe: Clark. Why didn’t you just tell me? She takes the pins out of the articles and removes the articles from the wall. She looks down at one of the articles now in her hands and it has a picture of Clark and a headline that says “Local Teen Discovers Indian Caves.” She stares at Clark’s picture sadly. Act 4 Scene 4 Clark is kneeling in front of Alicia’s grave in the cemetery. Day. The day is overcast and gray and Clark holds a red rose in his hand, its color shocking against the dismal surroundings. Chloe walks up behind him as he puts the rose on Alicia’s tombstone. Chloe kneels down next to him. Chloe: [Quiet, almost reverent.] Hey, Clark. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything. Clark doesn’t answer. Chloe: It must’ve been so hard being so different, having everyone judge you before they even know you, knowing that there’s some people that might never accept you. Clark continues to stare at the tombstone. Chloe: I just... I want you to know that I’m here for you... if you ever need to talk. Chloe puts a hand on Clark’s shoulder. Clark: Thanks, Chloe. I appreciate that. Chloe stands up and walks away, leaving Clark alone in front of Alicia’s grave. Hmmmm... Hmmm... HMMMM...
16 March, 2005
Excerpt from Smallvile Episode : Scare. Chloe just found out her mother is in a mental institute, and that the mental disorder she has is hereditary, and has been keeping it to herself all this while, she finally lets it spill to Clark. And she also talks about the great big secret Clark has been keeping- well we all know what that one is. Chloe: Look, you know what? You don’t have to tell me. I know that I gave you my word that I was going to stop all this prying but... In these last few months, I really got a taste of what it was like to keep my mom’s secret, and I’ve never felt more alone.
Chloe: Yeah. I’d hate to live my whole life like this. But after ‘fessing up, it’s amazing how quickly that feeling of loneliness disappears. I mean, if you can’t tell your best friend, who can you tell? Right, Clark? I did. a couple of months back i guess.... It felt like i was free... that if i won't have to face that thing alone anymore. Like i could breathe again for the first time since i got to know about certain things. When you get to know things like this, there are days when you wake up and wonder if its not just all a bad dream. That you've just imagined it. Cos its soooo... unreal... cos it happens to anyone else but you. Heck, it happens in movies, not to anybody real. But then... "reality" hits you like a freight train some where around the time you're looking yourself in the toilet mirror and brushing your teeth, or if you're that much in denial, while you're in the shower, and you're soaping between your toes. Don't ask me why. It just does. But you know what... at some point in time, when incredible things that won't be out of place in a sitcom/soap opera (thank God ... no thriller) don't happen to me... i feel uncomfortable. World- Say hello to a walking TV show. "Kay" now showing whereever she maybe, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. ------------------------------------------- As a testimony to how entertaining life with me around can get--- Behold- 10 a.m. Accounts Revision Lecture I was trying to while away some time in the lecture pretending to take notes so that Sandra Chia will not embarass me by asking me some question i'd have to prod Melvyn for anyway.. so i spot Brandon... K[ to mello]: You know Brandon is really cute. Mel: [ he is?] or something to that effect. *(imagine thias part taking place real quick with me getting increasingly agitated)* So there i was thinking this was a private convo, when Tania turns around and goes- T: what? you think Brandon is Cute? Are you blind? ( K- Gives her bewildered look and tries to shut her up before Brandon hears that thanks to her amazingly loud hailer like voice) Immediately,Juliana turns around and goes- Ju: What? who think Brandon is cute.? K: No ..I!! (Grows increasingly frustrated) Two seats away Naz suddenly quips- Naz: Who's hot? What? What's happening? K: NOTHING! All this while Mel is laughing at me, andi spy Brandon giving me a weird look. mel: Another one of those sitcoms moment? You betcha. If you didn't get this... you probably had to be there to catch it.. too bad you missed it, no repeats on this show. HA - HA. You know i'm thinking my kids will probably be envied by all the other kids cos they have the coolest, funniest and most happening mom in the world. hell yea... Only my kids wouldn't think so... and would probably be embarassed by me. Hmm... why am i thinking abt kids? HMMMMM....
Squid Cleaning... ONNO My mother... the scourge of Geylang Wet Market. And who has to do all the dirty work? You guessed it. If you haven't, be ashamed of yourself Me. Who else right? Well, The Cleaning task du jour was as the title suggests- squid cleaning, amongst many other marine life cleaning tasks. But squid cleaning ... HO!! that takes the whole Salami. This non-vertebrate, before being consumed must be... according to Mammy's orders- Washed and "skinned", then plunked into a vat full of ice water which has lemon juice in it. Uber-clean. The fun part is pulling the tentacles and ink-filled head away from the body and watching the brains slide out. After which you gotta pull out a plastic-ey looking sharp thing, with which this magnificent thing once used to support... itself... with... ... Alright i gotta get out of this house, i'm beginning to find excitement in mundane tasks like squid-cleaning.. Eurgh.
15 March, 2005
Har Gadi Badal Rahi Hai Roop Zindagi Life Changes its beauty all the time Chhaaon Hai Kabhi Kabhi Hai Dhoop Zindagi Sometimes it's a shade Sometimes its sunlight Har Pal ya har Jeebhar Jiyo Live every moment to your hearts content Jo Hai Sama Kal Ho Naa Ho The time that is here may not be tmw Chaahe Jo tumhe poore dil se One who loves you whole heartedly Milta hai voh muskhil se It is difficult to meet that person Aisa jo koi kahin hai If there is someone like that somewhere Bas vohi sab se haseen hai That person is more beautiful than all Us haath ko tum Thaam lo Grab onto that person's hand Voh meherbaan kal ho naa ho He or she may not be that gracious tmw Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo Live every moment to your hearts content Jo hai sama kal ho na ho The time that is here may not be tmw Ho, palkon ke leke saaye paas koi jo aaye Taking the shadow of your eyelashes, when someone comes near Laakh saambhaalo paagal dil ko You try to reason with your crazy heart dil Dhadke hi jaaye Your heart just goes on beating Par soch lo is pal hai jo But think, that which is here now, Voh daastaan kal ho na ho That story may not be here tmw Har ghadi badal rahi he roop zindagi Life changes its beauty all the time har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo Sometimes it's a shade, sometimes its sunlight Jo hai sama kal ho na ho Live every moment here to your heart's content The time that is here may not be tmw The time that is here may not be tmw
I made Porridge this afternoon. Its just one of those cooking whims again. Hmmm... I think i made too much. See my brother came back after soccer practice, as usual willing to eat anything, whether its edible or not. So I served him...Porridge which he hates.. It actually took a bit of cajoling... and in the end me and father stood around the table watching him eat. So he looks up and goes.. " why is everyone watching me?" To which my father said... "Experiment No. 732: Boy eating porridge, advancement of science depends on him finishing the porridge. One small bite for Mankind, One huge leap for Science." My brother and i just stared. My father and his sense of humor.... ------------------------------------------ Next one... I have the tendency to indulge my brother's Gluttony, so i usually make for him anything he asks me to. So i fried him eggs.. My father walks into Kitchen, and picks up the previously full carton. "How many eggs did you fry him?" Me - "A couple.." " A Couple being?" " Ur... 4?"At that point my brother starts shovelling all the eggs in his plate into his mouth and gives us the guilty look and says through his full mouth.. "You can't stop me now!!!" If you didn't find that funny you're probably ;- a) Stupid b) Slow c) Dumb d) Mentally retarded. e) incapacitated f) All or any of the above g) A victim of the lack of humor. I like to give people options. :P
Seriously I hate being at home...My brother is at home for the March Hols and My father is well... recuperating... and theres my dog who keeps making so much noise. Not to forget my mum, with whom i seem to be getting along with quite well these few days. I seriously think that indian movie abt that mother and her adopted daughter has had the strangest effect on me. I get Goose Bumps whenever i hear the title song. Its really meaningful. Sort of like Kal Ho Naa Ho...which is really a philosophy of life i guess and love... really beautiful.. Very spiritual. Oh my GOD!! i am soooo bored!!! You know i can't wait to get started on the next Drama Tec project... Theres nothing to do... except study of course. Hmm.. Hey Nad whaddya say we go catch Lemony Snicket on Thursday? So yes Keep your Thursday After noon free. Dum di dum dum... hmm... Alright i have dissected my Family Law Problem. Tmw i'm gonna get started on my OB and on Thrursday Accounts.. Today i'm gonna go read thru and try to fish out stuff i can use for the problem. Haiyoh... this is sad man.... I'm so bored i'm getting a headache..
13 March, 2005
Lonely...
Tee HEE HEE..
Conversation heard through my window immediately after below-mentioned bloggy post. Ma and Bro in kitchen... Bro: Shut up Mum:Shut up. Bro: Ma i mean it shut up Mum: (mockingly) Ma i mean it shut up. Bro: Shut UP! Mum: Shut Up! (Silence) Mum: I shd ask your school for a reimbursement, Sec 1 and your vocabulary hasn't expanded beyond Shut up. *My mother- the bitch.* Bro: My head hurts. Mum:Why? Theres nothing in there for it to be hurting. Bro: She hit me! Mum: what are you a girl?! Poor little boy, got hit by his sister and his head broke.Tsk tsk... *For your information - i did not hit him!* I love my mother. Oh did i mentioned? She died her hair RED. Argh!. You know... theres this smell i always associate with my mum... she smells like herbal soap and flowers.. hmmm.. I really wonder why i put that down... Oh well... i get my snappiness from her i guess...
It all started with me asking my brother to leave the computer. I thought I was jokingly squabbling, that is till he got up and threw the chair at me. Oh my. I got a shock. Well it would have been alright. Had not the chair broken and my father's afternoon coffee not up-ended. *Gulp* And so i did what i always do when my spidey senses tell me somethings about to erupt, sneaking away to my room and start cleaning like a rabbit on steroids. However, all was not well, cause the father came in charging after me, and roared; F: Why the hell did you hit him? How many times must i tell you not to hit him? Me: I didn't hit him! I just touched him! *it's true! me, hit and brother are words that never go in a sentence together* *puts on scared little girl face* F: How many times must i tell you not to touch him?! *Yea right, when the hell did you ever tell me that, you bitch?* And then i jump as he punches the door. That would have been meant for my face on most occasions. *Thats right, scold me, and assure that little twerp out there that he was right in doing what he did.* *bleh* Tip 72# In the face of extreme anger, look like a timid rabbit,and squeak, and daddy might think he has intimidated you enough without having to hit you. phew. I would say how unfair this is. I might even say how hurting things like this can get. Or, the fact that my father is the scariest person in this world even when he's not angry, and probably the only person who can make me cry and shake like a leaf without opening his mouth. And when he does, his loud booming voice blows me away to Johor, like a limp hanky. But, BUT. There comes a time when one becomes used to these things. So yea. Meow... Contented Kabby. Happy month Day 11! PS.: I checked the door- its got a crack in it i think. whoa. I hope his hand hurts. *Giggles maniacally* *keeheeheeheeheeheeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
12 March, 2005
Hmmm... You know... i keep shitting. I eat and shit, eat and shit. what the hell. And these days i'm not very hungry. I eat like what? 1 meal a day? or at the parent's insistence- 2. Very Very strangely, i am not hungry. Hmmm...Maybe its to do with spending minimal time in school and coming back home, and being lazy to cook. Maybe its because i eat alot during that one meal. hmmm must be.. But anyways i exist on tea. So yea happy me. I think my mother is secretly happy too. On the plus side, i'm losing weight. YAY! *hence her happiness* Annnd... I sleep, Alllllooooot. Down side is , sleeping too much makes a person tired, hence ending up with dark under eye circles, which i have taken liberty to hide with something i never usually use, make up. Quite fun though, i can actually put up with it. And another strangeliness to add to list. i am studying. GASP!!!... I wonder if Apri has been singing lately.*dies laughing* weeeeeeeeeee........ I really should start exercising more. *runs around happily* I love everyone! have a nice life! And happy happy month!
11 March, 2005
This is it. The Last Day i'll be known as a year two. Wow. I'm 18. I never thought i'd get this far. I really really didn't. On one hand, i have this feeling of wanting to stay this way, because i'm afraid of facing what the future holds for me. On the other, i can't wait to be anywhere but here. Because this period in my life is empty. Theres nothing for me right now. Nothing special i want to hold on to.No memories. All the memories i have created in poly? i feel like hitting the delete button on. Because everything i deemed precious seems to be slinging mud at me at the moment. But then the future does not seem all that promising either. Atleast the guys have NS to look forward to. Am i going to be forced into leading the typical women's life? Or do i have it in me to do more? Why am i even thinking about this now? ITS HAPPY MONTH!!!!.... hell.... i'm going to go sleep. That way i won't think shite.
In a few days, they'll be gone, and we'll be taking over their place. Today is the last school day for them I'm gonna miss them. They were a cool bunch. I don't think the juniors lives would have been the same with out them. Mine wouldn't have been. Not without Vithya and her amazing patience and tolerance. Not without Apri and his clever jokes and sometimes his encouragement. Definately not without Sheng and his acid, but accurate comments on some ppl. He's a nice dude really. Good-hearted. Most importantly, Hazey, and Priya's insight and sensitive soul. Their care and concern. Genuine care and concern. Ling's goofiness, and warm smile. Soffie's wild laughter and cheeriness, her help and guidance in some matters. How can i forget the Gentle giant? Haider? Amiable always, and always ready with advice. Edleweiss and her friendliness, her reaching out at times. Yani, Shazana, Zila, and all the others... for all their funny comments and jokes. Everyone. I hope all of you leave knowing you made a difference to some of us. And i wish you the best of luck in whatever you do, because after enduring 3 years of bullshite in TP, its finally time your luck took a better turn. I only hope we can live up to the standards some of you have set. lol. Take care you guys. Ta. Kay.
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