Disappointed.

Me.

For all of my principles, seems like i can't even uphold my word, a simple promise.

I keep saying never again. But it just sees to keep on happening.

And now, i've given my father another reason to condescend upon me. Let him down. Again.

Failure, just like he says.

Maybe it would be wise to step down if i can't handle it.

How long will i shoulder the burden of an entire CCA, and do everyones work for them just because they feel they're not important enough?

How long can they rely on me?

How can they rely on me when i keep letting them down?

I don't dare.

I think i can't even fulfill the basic requirements of leadership.

If its about influencing, i don't seem to be able to influence even my own committee to do work.

I don't see them being independant. And i wonder, is it me or them?


And then i remember, that if the leader is proper everything else will definetely fall into place.

And then i question if we're able to handle a major production. If we should even go ahead.

If already i am doing almost all the work. Then... i don't want to think about production time, when i'm going to be on SIP.

When is this CCA ever going to get organised?

When are my people going to think, and not keep look to me for an answer?

When are they going to learn to complete their duty and not leave it to "someone" else to do?

And that someone, always ends up being me.

Someone was left to wash/ dryclean 20 over saris on her own, and send it to the owners home late at night on the eve of her test and endure a night of worry, only to wake up and realise she is losing her voice due to stress once again.

And then prepare to fail her test.

Someone has to spend her break time during school running around gathering materials for the noticeboard and cleaning up the places her CCA used, just so we won't kena scolding.

And at the end of the day, some body else comes along and tells her she's not a leader.

She agrees.

I'm tired.

of people unwilling to take reponsibility. Of slack work. Of unappreciative people.

I want to quit.


But i love this CCA.

And that will be my downfall.

But as usual i will just continue what i'm doing, for what else can i do?

Shut down my CCA?

Now theres an idea.

Taffy at 2:49:00 PM

FEMALE INDIAN FREEDOM FIGHTERS



http://www.liveindia.com/freedomfighters/jhansi.html

Taffy at 11:28:00 PM

FAMOUS NAIDU


Sarojini Naidu by Jyotsna


Sarojini Devi was a distinguished poet, renowned freedom fighter and one of the great orators of her time. Her father Aghoranath Chattopadhyay ( hmm... is this a real common indian name or what?!?!?) was a good scholar of Sanskrit, Greek, Hebrew, Persian and English. He was principal of Nizam's college at Hyderabad, now capital of Andhra Pradesh.

Sarojini's mother Varadasundari Devi wrote poetry in Bengali and knew Sanskrit. Sarojini was the eldest among their eight children. All the children grew learning and speaking besides Bengali, their mother-tongue, Urdu, Telugu and English. One of her brothers Birendranath was a revolutionary and spent his life outside India all the time for fear of getting extradited for sedition and black waters. Other brother Harindranath was a poet, dramatist and actor.


Nizam's Hyderabad at that time had made no progress in women's education. Hence Sarojini was sent to Madras for schooling. She topped the matriculation examination at the age of twelve, raising innumerable eyebrows. Women's college eagerly awaited for her entry but she returned to Hyderabad due to frail health.

She had started writing poetry in English by then, and the Nizam, very much impressed by her brilliance offered her a scholarship to study in England. She did not appreciate the stiff and mechanical life in the British university (Cambridge). Her health was also delicate and had to bid goodbye to higher education. But she undertook journey through entire Europe, read art books and continued writing poetry. She met English authors Arthur Simon and Edmond Gausse.

It was Gausse who convinced Sarojini to stick to Indian themes--India's great mountains, rivers, temples, social milieu, to express her poetry. "To be a genuine Indian poet of Deccan, not a clever machine-made imitator of the English classics" as was the trend. He helped to bloom her poetic talent. "The golden threshold (1905)", "The bird of time (1912)", and "The broken wing (1912)" were the collections which attracted huge Indian and English readership.

She depicted contemporary Indian life and events. Snake charmers, beggars, fishermen, widows, bangle sellers, milkmaids, palanquin bearers, etc., which became immensely popular.

A brahmin, she married Govindarajulu Naidu, a non-brahmin, and a doctor by profession, with the concurrence of her parents--a revolutionary step in that conservative age. They had a happy married life and four children.

Freedom struggle was in full force and she came under the influence of Gopalakrishna Gokhale and Gandhi. Gokhale advised her to spare all her energy and talents for nation's cause. She gave up writing poetry and fully devoted herself to emancipation of women, education, Hindu-Muslim unity etc. She became a follower of Gandhiji and accompanied him to England. Whenever in England, she openly criticized British rule in India which caught the attention of scholars and intellectuals.

Towards Gandhi, Sarojini had both respect and mischief. She was famous for wit and humor, and called Gandhi "Mickey Mouse." because of his frail structure. She has an amusing narration of her first meeting with Gandhiji in England. "A little man with a shaven head ...eating a messy meal of squashed tomatoes and olive oil out of a wooden bowl" she burst instinctively into happy laughter. Gaadhi lifted his eyes. "Ah! You must be Mrs. Naidu! Who else dare be so irreverent? Come and share my meal!" he is reported to have said.Her joke "It costs a lot to keep Gandhi poor!" is well-known.

She presided over the annual session of Indian National Congress at Kanpur (1925). It was a great honor. The president was all powerful and had to work out many constructive projects for the entire country for full one year. She earned a name as a remarkable organizer with originality and dash. She had a leading role in Salt Satyagraha and consecutive struggles. She was jailed with Gandhiji and other leaders. She was President of National Women's' Conference for many years and could train many volunteers who took up women's cause.

She was appointed Governor of Uttara Pradesh, a large province of India, as soon as India became independent. "I am a Governess!" she used to joke.

Sarojini had very fine aesthetic sense and was known for selection of exquisite silks an jewelry. But she gave up everything for the sake of national struggle and began to wear coarse Khadi.



Hrm, another interesting lady, why does Indian revolutionary history seem to be filled with brave, female freedom fighters who were great orators, but never seem to be as famous as their male counter parts?

Taffy at 11:18:00 PM

To you.

we're friends, and have been so since what, the second week of school? When we first began poly?

Some how along the way things happened, and we got closer.

But admit this, you don't know me, as much, and i don't know you as much. I love you as a friend. And always will, for you are, and all the crazy things you do.

What i don't understand is, while you share the things that deeply trouble you, you never share much beyond that. What's really going on inside.

Sometimes it almost doesn't feel wrong to think that there is NOTHING going on inside, nothing except a show, on the surface, meant to keep you looking like the victimised, hurt being that you are not.

When you called and asked me, if i had read your blog, and if so why i didn't call you. what was i supposed to say? The thing is. I didn't want to be like the rest. I want to be able to be truthful to you, and not just tell you the things you want to hear. Because how could i claim to be a good friend that way?

I don't want to be like the few who pose as your friends because of the glamour of knowing you. I despise the way they exclaim whenever they see you, not just because its juvenile and not too mention ear-piercingly irritating, but because its so fake.
It's like - look at me everyone- i know HIM! like whatever.

I want to be sincere, and i hope you undertstand that, because sometimes i feel that no matter how much i say, you will only do want you want to, and just seek me out because i listen.

Sometimes I feel used, by you. But i let you do it anyway, because if not for that, there would be scarcely any communication between us, and i rather shoulder your burdens, than not know you at all.

Yes, for all your searching everywhere, there is someone here who actually cares for you, who will call you at any time of the day just to check if you are ok, but is holding back, because i don't want to disturb you, and because you are busy at SIP.
And i will make myself available for you, no matter what time, no matter what i am doing, i am never too busy for any of my friends.Especially not you, don't even ask me why, no its nothing romantically inclined, its just that i love you as a friend, and i don't even know why. Should there even be a reason?

That time for AIC, i actually had a letter for you, a nine page one, but i didn't know if i was the right person to say those things i wanted to say to you.

Because sometimes i feel i don't have the right to say things to you. And that's why i didn't comment on the Blog post that day. Even if i did want to check if you were ok.I just waited for you to come to me.Maybe i was wrong. I'm sorry.


It's like this, i am always here if you need me, but always waiting even if you don't, just to be your friend, to confide. that's all. And i won't tell you what will misguide, but what you always need to hear.

There i've said it. Now you decide.

Taffy at 6:13:00 PM

Typed my last name, Bai, and these were the search results... lol... Quite interesting.

My foremother?




Lakshmi Bai
(c.1830-1858)

Lakshmi Bai, the Rani of a principality called Jhansi in northern India, led an uprising against a takeover of her homeland by the British. She became a heroine and a symbol of resistance to the British rule.

Lakshmi Bai was born around 1830 into a wealthy, high-caste family. She was named Manukarnika, which is one of the names of the holy river Ganges. As a young woman, she learned to read, write and debate. She also learned to ride horses and use weapons while playing with her adopted brothers. She accepted the name Lakshmi Bai when she married Gangadhar Rao, the maharajah of Jhansi and became the Rani (short for maharani, the wife of maharajah) of Jhansi.

Gangadhar Rao was between forty and fifty years of age at the time of their wedding. This was his second marriage. His first wife died without producing an heir. The new Rani of Jhansi gave birth to a son, but he died when he was three months old. Subsequently, Damodar Rao, Gangadhar's relative, became their adopted son. In 1853, Gangadhar Rao died.

The Governor-General of India, the Marquess of Dalhousie, announced that since Gangadhar Rao left no heir, the state of Jhansi would be annexed by the British Government. The British rejected the claim that Damodar Rao was the legal heir.

According to Hindu law, little Damodar Rao was Gangadhar's heir and successor. In the Hindu religion, a surviving son, either biological or adopted, had an obligation to perform certain sacrifices after his father's death to prevent his father from being condemned to punishment or hell. The refusal of the British to acknowledge the legitimacy of Rajah's adopted son caused a serious consternation in the local population. Rani appealed her case to London, but that appeal was turned down.

Not wishing to give up her kingdom, Lakshmi Bai assembled a volunteer army of 14,000 rebels and ordered that defenses of the city itself be strengthened. Jhansi was attacked by the British in March 1858. Shelling of Jhansi was fierce and the British were determined not to allow any rebels to escape while Rani was determined not to surrender. The British noted that the Indian soldiers fighting them showed more vigor than they ever had while following British orders. Women were also seen working the batteries and carrying ammunition, food and water to the soldiers. Rani, herself, was seen constantly active in the defense of the city. Jhansi, however, fell to the British forces after a two week siege. A priest from Bombay who witnessed the British victory, said that what followed were four days of fire, pillage, murder and looting without distinction. He said it was difficult to breathe due to strong smell of burning flesh. British historians, on the other hand, suggested that while four to five thousand people died in battle, the civilians were spared.

The Rani managed to escape on horseback under the cover of darkness and within twenty-four hours rode over one hundred miles to the fortress of Kalpi. Several other Indian rulers joined the rebel forces there. It is believed that the Rani was influential in convincing the others to go on the offensive and seize the fortress of Gwalior. This maneuver was successful and helped rally the rebel forces together.

It wasn't long, however, before the British forces determined to win Gwalior back. A fierce battle ensued. Rani was in charge of the eastern side of defense, however she lost her life on the second day of fighting. The British won back Gwalior. Rani's body was given a ceremonial cremation and burial by the faithful servants. Sir Hugh Rose, the commander of the British force, wrote later, "The Ranee was remarkable for her bravery, cleverness and perseverance; her generocity to her Subordinates was unbounded. These qualities, combined with her rank, rendered her the most dangerous of all the rebel leaders." A popular Indian ballad said,

How valiantly like a man fought she, The Rani of Jhansi On every parapet a gun she set Raining fire of hell, How well like a man fought the Rani of Jhansi How valiantly and well!


RANI JHANSI (1835 - 1858 )

Rani Lakshmi Bai, the fiery Queen of Jhansi, also known as the Rani of Jhansi, one of the great nationalist heroine of the first war of India freedom, a symbol of resistance to the British rule in India was born on 19th November 1835 at Kashi (Presently known as Varanasi). Her father Moropanth was a Brahmin and her mother Bhagirathi Bai was a cultured, intelligent and God fearing lady. Mannikarnika (Manu) was the name of Rani Lakshmi Bai in her childhood. Manu lost her mother at the age of four. The Complete responsibility of the young girl fell on the father. She completed her education and also learned horse riding, Sword fighting and shooting on a target with a gun.

She was married to Raja Gangadhar Rao, the Maharaja of Jhansi in 1842, and became the Rani of Jhansi. After the marriage She was given the name Lakshmi Bai. The Marriage ceremony was perform in Ganesh Mandir, the temple of Lord Ganesha situated in the city of Jhansi. Rani Lakshmi Bai gave birth to a son in 1851, but unfortunately this child died when he was about four months old. After this tragedy, Damodar Rao was adopted as son. Later on Maharaja Gangadhar Rao also died on 21st November 1853. After the death of Maharaja Gangadhar Rao, Rani Lakshmi Bai was left alone. At this time she was eighteen years old. Rani Lakshmi Bai did not lost her courage, She always remembered her responsibility.

At that time Lord Dalhousie was the Governor -General of India. Though little Damodar Rao, adopted son of late Maharaja Gangadhar Rao and Rani Lakshmi Bai was Maharaja's heir and successor as per the Hindu tradition, but the British rulers rejected Rani's claim that Damodar Rao was their legal heir. Loard Dalhousie decided to annexe the state of Jhansi as Maharaja Gangadhar Rao had left no legal heir. This misfortune of Jhansi was used by the Britishers to expand there Empire.

In March 1854 the British ruler announced 60,000 ( Sixty Thousand) annual pension for Rani and also ordered to leave the Jhansi fort. Jhansi was in humiliating condition but it was like a silent volcano before eruption.

Rani Jhansi was determined not to give up Jhansi. She was a symbol of patriotism and self respect. Britishers were making every effort to destroy the freedom of country whereas Rani was determined to get rid of British.Rani Lakshmi Bai strengthened the defense of Jhansi and she assembled a volunteer army of rebellions. Women were also given Military training. Rani was accompanied by her brave warriors, some of them were Gulam Gaus Khan, Dost Khan, Khuda Baksh, Lala Bhau Bakshi, Moti Bai, Sunder-Mundar, Kashi Bai, Deewan Raghunath singh and Deewan Jawahar Singh. Along with all these warriors the local population of Jhansi irrespective of their religion or caste were always determined to fight and give their lives with pleasure for the cause of Independent and their beloved Rani.

The British attacked Jhansi in March 1858. Rani Jhansi with her faithful warriors decided not to surrender. The fighting continued for about two weeks. Shelling on Jhansi was very fierce. In the Jhansi army women were also carrying ammunition and were supplying food to the soldiers. Rani Lakshmi Bai was very active. She herself was inspecting the defense of the city. However, after this great war, Jhansi fell to the British forces.On that black day, the British army entered the Jhansi City. Rani Lakshmi Bai, still full of courage and deathless patriotism dressed as a man, took up arms, her son Damodar Rao was strapped tightly to her back. She was holding the reins of her horse in her mouth. In the fierce fighting she was using the sword with both her hands. When the situation was not in control, Rani of Jhansi with some of her warriors departed from Jhansi.Rani Lakshmi Bai reched Kalpi. Many other rebellions force joined her. Tatia Tope from Kalpi was also one of them, from Kalpi Rani departed to the Gwalior. Again a fierce battle took place. Rani Jhansi fought with deathless patriotism and martyrdom. However on the second day of fighting, the great heroine of the first struggle for India freedom, at the age of 22 years, lost her life. That unfortunate day was 18th June of 1858.

JHANSI LAKSHMI BAI
A Glorious Woman

Jhansi Rani Lakhsmi Bai brought glory to the women of Indian, nay to the women of the world. Her life was sacred hymn. Her life is a thrilling story of womanliness, courage, adventure, deathless patriotism and martyrdom.

She was a woman although in her tender body there was a lion’s spirit. But she was well versed in statesmanship. Like all women she was weak. But when she went to war and took up arms she was the very embodiment of the War Goddess Kali. She was beautiful and frail. But her radiance made men diffident. She was young in years. But her foresight and firm decisions were mature.

When, after growing up under the loving care of her father, she entered her husband’s house she became an ideal wife. ON the death of her husband although she lost interest in life she did not forget her responsibilities. She was a staunch Hindu; but, because she was tolerant of other religions, when she led an army in a Great War, Muslims followed her first as the Hindu did.
Lakhsmi Bai lived but for 22 years and seven months – from the 19 th of November 1835 to the 18th of June 1858; she flashed and disappeared like lightning on a dark night.

The words of the British General Sir Hugh Rose, who fought against the Rani several times and was defeated again and again, and finally defeated the Rani (who became the victim of circumstances) bear witness to her greatness:
"Of the mutineers the bravest and the greatest commander was the Rani."


More stories about her can be found here...

http://freeindia.org/biographies/jhansi/index.htm


Cool woman sia...Power.

Vernetta Lopez recently rediscovered her roots, maybe i should send in my DNA sample as well... hmm... hurhurhur.

Anyone willing to donate $200.00 dollars to ol'Kay?

Taffy at 7:25:00 PM

Shit.



Don't you just wish, you didn't find out certain things?

Things you're better off not knowing.

Things that alter your perspective of a person.

Things that put everything into place.

Sometimes finding out what people say about you, or discuss about you when you're not there is quite disturbing. Must be guilty of it myself i suppose.

Karma i guess. hmm.

I guess sometimes its better to keep to yourself.

Just to trust yourself. Because sometimes, you think you know someone, and then you find out more.

I guess, its better to be your own friend sometimes, than to invest in a friendship.

After all there is no way you can hurt yourself right?

Right.

Nothings forever. That much is true.

People make promises, that break as fast as they're made.

Facades put up. And even after resolution, not everything is revealed.

I've never hid anything.

Chee bai.

I'm just bloody irritated with everyone right now.

Its just easier not to care.

Fucking go away.

Taffy at 12:37:00 PM

J.B Trip.


Was alright.

Fabulous Purchases.

Food.

Batman Begins.

Bloody Customs.


--------------------------------------------------------------

Lil'India

Was alright.

Got lost at first.

Met Mel's Gurl.sweet. i like.

Showed off the ugly side of Hinduism, (like which side is suposed to be pretty?)
----------------------------------------------------------------

RELATIONSHIPS.


ah, this is what i want to talk about.


I'll make this clear. I am using this as announcement, and i will not repeat myself. And i say it here cause its not worth my breath to say it to the respective people. Not that i don't value you, but just that it takes a ridiculous amount of effort to even say this out loud. Or type actually.


I am not looking to be in a relationship, i am not looking for a boyfriend, and i don't have to be Kay and ____ (fill in the blanks) to be someone/ have an identity. I think being Kay is identity enough. I don't need something to hold hands with. Frankly, i find what was said insulting and shallow, are we no one if not for the sake of someone else?


If you're in a relationship, i'm happy for you, i told you that. Very happy actually.

But not everyone finds happiness in the same thing.

Its amazing how people react when they find out you've never been attached.Almost everyone really.

Its as if suddenly they are sooo much wiser than you are, *Azi, i think you know where i'm coming from.*

I act like a kid, because i choose to.Maybe you are wiser than i am, i don't care. I didn't make thru 19 years in this world w/o learning a thing or two.

There are far bigger problems in my life than searching for the perfect one.I have yet to find myself dammit.

Problems you say?

Yea.

Like trying to stay in school despite having no financial aid from the parental unit.

Passing school.


so excuse me if am kay & no one else, and look ugly in a saree. lol.

Not angry, mind you. just saying.

Taffy at 8:38:00 PM

VISION


Moulin Rouge.

Will be what the screen could not bring to the audience.

It will be interactive...

It will be my Bohemian Uthiopia brought to life, committee permitting. Budget permitting...

Reception Area

Men on stilts

People in weird ass costumes

Models dressed in Bohemian gear...

Nice door gifts.

Jugglers and dancing girls...

Belly Dancers

Fortune tellers.

Kittens dressed in frills and socks. put on display.

A side show card dealer

A balloon artist

a portrait artist

The tatoo artist

A gambling table

A "bar" serving Absinthe and other mocktails, served by the green fairy.

"hookers" serving as ushers

Mimes

Blind men who can read your palm.

and buskers with harmonicas

Court jesters walking around the bus stop handing out programmes and leading people in.

people lining the way to the Audi doing all sorts of crazy things

People of all shapes and sizes.

i'll make you wonder if the cirque d' soleil hit TP.


Welcome to my Moulin Rouge.


Now... here's to me wondering if this can be made possible...

hmmmm......



In fact the Foyer itself is going to have a team on its own handling it.

I am going to recreate the Bohemian Montmartre outside the audi, that will enthrall the audience before they even come in.

Yay.

Taffy at 9:54:00 PM

Poetic Musings


(ALL Written in company law lecture)


Bohemian Uthiopia

Fire Eaters. Snake Charmers. Ladies in leotards dancing on a pink, 6 pointed star. Men sleeping on beds of spikes. Lights, sounds and smells alike.

Paradise, filled with sugary streets, chocolate trees and laughing people, who cry all the time.We never starve here, we eat off streets here, literally.

I see men who cry over lost ears, cut off as gifts for beloveds.

Strange boy, with enchantment gleaming in their eyes, milling about looking for love, never-finding, never-dying.

Women, sparkling like diamonds descend from the sky, stilling breath of men come to bask in their reflected light.

This uthiopia, where everyone thrives on green fairy lights and take theirs with sugar.

Flowers bloom in winter too, especially when you're shivering with cold. That's when their colours come out real bold.

Strange places filled with dark lights, colourless clothes that always shine bright, showing colours only you want to see.

Beautiful words and beautiful people, sometimes can't tell if you're a word or a person, the beauty of both, dazzles the world.

Only the good-looking are allowed, this is Uthiopia, once you enter, you are always beautiful.Fret not. you are always allowed.

Rain tastes like orange juice, and on occasion vanilla coke.

The air hums sweetly, scented by giant venus fly trap. Bird swing around on dark green vines, calling out to the jungle man.

This is Uthiopia, where you can always find me.

Monkeys chatter, sipping tea, in their pretty pink frocks, quite frilly.
A goose waddles around, reading the paper, while old men in top hats and tutus speak in low silent growls, combing their beards with fish skeletons.

Mermaid flip their hair, tell the starfish, scream more like, that the stars are crying. Even in Uthiopia, we have our grumps and strange. It balances out the perfection, perfectly.

Bohemian Uthiopia, is where everything real, is the way you would want it to be.

poof.




ODE TO SCHOOL

I think i may die in my school.

Buried beneath my writing tools.

This is where i am ALL THE TIME!

Didn't you say child slavery's a crime?


PEN


I am most contented when i have my pen
It gives my imagination a hand
Stretches my brain like a rubber band.


SNAP!


Give me my pen!
Oblong, cylindrical, and capped.
To write the words my heads got mapped.

Had i been born,
in the days of using feathers,
many bald birds, might have been seen.




EMOTIONALLY DERANGED


Anger tastes like vinegar
smells sulfurous and lingers
about as a dense black gloom cloud.
It is often loud.

Loud too is pride.
Which of course is always right.
Pride is proud.
Pride is a peacock
Turqoise. Noise.
Hot air- always stifling, always there.
Looks pretty from a distance.
No substance.

Pretty in pink.
Struts around Lady Love.
Tastes like candy floss and fluff.
Oh! it smells like someone broke a perfume bottle,
its EVERYWHERE!!!
Close your eyes, pinch your nose!
Before you get a lethal dose.

Envy, say people, is often green.
It also quite often mean.
Envious people can get quite lean.
Because envy is like bubbling acid.
You can't be saved by any antacid.

At times have you felt
a hollow space above your belt
a sense of dread that descends
and slowly annilhates your strength
Sadness is that feeling's name.
A feeling that's had much fame.
Psychiatrist charge a lofty sum
for curing that sickening numb.

After you've paid, you feel quite dumb.

You can make or break a movie too
on this thing that makes us look blue.
Panadol never cures it, its not the flu
YOu'll never be relieved, till you shed a tear or two.



FRIENDS


Nadira the monster,
resembles a big,bouncy bolster.
doesn't give me a scare,
more than my lil teddy bear
Quite an insult to that magnificent creature.
Who's perky ass is her biggest feature.

Azizah the matchstick,
made friends with a big, heavy brick.
Sometims known as vic.
One day, stick and Vic, had a fight.
Bad choice, one strike and Azi was set alight.
She died.

Melly the Jelly King.
Could not figure out how to wear his royal crown and ring.


Mr. Pok was a bore,
he makes me snore.


THE END.




COPYRIGHT OF KAY.

Taffy at 3:51:00 PM

ARTS CAMP


3 days 2 nights.

Power.


lol.

I felt like i was back in secondary school.

Alright, the first day was kind of slow, we had percussion class, and then MAG and DramaTec, snuck out and ate dinner while we were supposed to be watching a video and consuming an overly pathetic supper consisting of a single sausage, a samosa, a slice of cake, and various other disgusting fried items, put together into a plastic food box. Call me pampered.

So we rebelled. and went to Habibie's. If you ever go there try the Claypot chicken. V. Good.I'm a good leader, my people say they're hungry, i feed my people. But no, that doesn't mean i'm going to foot the bill.

And then on the way back, we realised that the others were coming back to the camp, and had to take cover behind the signboard.

Alright, following that, we all had our showers, and then we proceeded on to carrying out our meetings about our academic year plans, which we were to present on Sunday.

That's when Kay lost her temper, good and proper.

I have a particular committee member, who says the wrong thing at the wrong time and is so full of ego, at times, and just achingly stupid. But my poor darling, just doesn't get what he's doing wrong.

We were playing around, when he suddenly yelled at us to FOCUS!!!!! and when i told him that was unnecessary, he insincerely apologised, and gave a very illogical explanation as to why he had done that. Reason: i had too many thoughts in my head.

...

Oh well.

Following that i gave him a long lecture as to why we feel he needs to change, in order for us to work with him, as tactfully as possible.

It would have stopped there if not for a really dumb statement/suggestion that he made.

We were talking about t-shirts, when he suddenly said/insisted that we should wear long-sleeved, white t-shirts. That gave me a shock, and i asked him wtf? To that he arrogantly replied all the Drama CCA's wear that, and so should we, or didn't i know that? Chee bai, fucking challenging me. So i said show me which bloody CCA, wants to dress like you. *NOTE: he wore a long-sleeved, women cut, white top to camp* And he said, drama instituitions in England.

Chee Bai.


So i blasted non-stop at him at top volume, and i basically told him, i'm going to remove him if he continues that way, which made him dissolve into tears. Geez.

Meanwhile other CCAs, timidly watched from safety. and Hana, Kenny, and Haider, were backed against a wall, eventually laughing at the absurdity of his comments, which had pissed me off.


I need to get over this sia. Seriously, sometimes i get angry with him, because he is the one person that i at times find so hard to accept, and that makes me angry with myself and him for being that way. Bleedin hell.

But i will try. To change myself, and help him. I will. Item No. 1-- Makeover.

After that eventful meeting. we spent the rest of the night till about, 4 slacking around. And then we hit the sack, only to be assaulted by Jabie and co who were just returning from clubbing, and spent the rest of the night waltzing in and out of the room talking at the top of their voices.

Prod.Crew, Mag. And DT were sharing a room. We remained as cronies for the rest of the camp. Must say we get along quite well. And not that it hurts anyone, but we have always been the most prominent CCAs other than ICG and Dance Ensemble, and recently won best booths for Arts fest.

*Bragging over*

Nah, its just that we're the loudest, and the wildest.

The next day, we had classes in the morning, Our group had Drama, that was the quietest i had ever been in a drama class, because i think i met the first Drama teacher i didn't totally like. Lol, but she was entertaining nevertheless.

Following that, we had a class, about event management, and then, we had ALP, where we had to get thru obstacles. And then we prepared for our night out. Which was quite excellent really, the shows we watched were good, and i realise that everytime i go watch a performance at Esplanade, i get inspired to do more and have more areas opened up to me. Must visit that place more.

Oh and ladies and gentlemen, forget about William Hung, Here comes Fayanne.

We were watching a performance put up by R.J Rozales, and he seemed to flirt excessively with our beloved SDO, (he sang to me too by the way, waahhah) and then during one of her songs, he got her to dance with him. And we were treated to the dance of the millenium. I will get Sat to help upload the video here if possible. And then you can witness what i'm talking about.

SO yes, we never let her live it down, we sang to her throughout the bus ride and also got her to get R.J to pose with us to take pics, of which Amin and I took centre, naturally, being the lime-light hoggers we are.

And the night.. didn't end with that.

We went back, and tried to conspire with Fayanne to follow us to the movies, using video images of her dancing as bribery, but, she wouldn't relent, so Jabie decided that if she wasn't going to join then she will pretend she doesn't know. So we got back, got ready, and left to catch Mr. And Mrs.Smith.

But not before sitting togeher and gossiping with each other about people who were sleeping less than a few feet away from us. Lol.

So we hit the movies, 15 of us, and took up the first 2 rows. HAlfway thru the movie, if anyone had bothered to look you would realise the ppl infront had disappeared and had taken up bed on the Cinema floor infront of the screen.

Zul, walked out complaining that he had paid $9.50 to sleep on a dirty floor.

We got back and went to bed, me sleeping the "soundest". And Amin and Naz squawking at each other to get their Armpits off each other's faces etc.

The morning came, and we began the last day of camp, with illegally sneaking breakfast into Arts Space, and setting off for our last classes.

Then we gathered for our presentation and dismissal, and watched a photo movie of ourselves, in which Hana, AMin and I seem to be striking the most ridiculous poses.

And we collected out T-shirts, and made promises to wear it today, so if you see a couple of insane and loud people in black with triangle on their back, its members of Prod Crew, MAG or DramaTec.

Chill.

We ended off by going to MacD and wearily munching thru more disgusting food and and got back home.

That's all!

Taffy at 9:43:00 AM

The End.


Hi, to all who have read the blog entitled facade and are wondering what the hell happened in the end?

Here goes.

Melly and i spoke and we sorted stuff out.

And i must say its been a while since i've been this happy.

Melvo, i think you must be the first person in a long time i could just say anything to without having to check myself, and feel completely at ease saying it.Even the weirdest of things. And next time if i hurt you by saying some of the dumb things that i say, just bloody tell me.You know i can be a prat.



Now thats good.

P.s: get back to me on that J.B. trip will you, we're leaving after the Pre-launch instead Next saturday and might be back on the same day.

Az is coming, so Nad also let me know.

Agenda is to eat Seafood and shop. Yay!!!


Ok, now to Nad.

Knowing you, you probably have loads to say to me on that entry, but i didn't exactly give you the chance to say it, and maybe you don't really want to tell me also.

That's ok.

Can i make a guess?

You probably don't get why i have this idea that close friends are those who cry together, and not those who just laugh together.

Well, i've thought about that statement, and i realised maybe the problem lies with me. And not the three of you.

Not being able to cry, not knowing how to comfort, and despite being a "people's person" and "life of the party" i come off as being downright cold and insensitive.

Strangely enough, i believe you have the same problem, correct me if i'm wrong. lol.

And the bit about worrying whether i'd get laughed at, the thing is, all this while i expected the laughter to come from you, but in actual fact, the laughter has always been coming from me. Me laughing at myself for crying. Me, hearing my father inside my head everytime i want to cry.

" You could win an Oscar with tears like that."

Wahahha, crazy.

There is no place for emotions, no such thing as emotions. Only anger is allowed.
The one rule i had to live by for a long time. Because thats all i ever saw.

But, i've been trying to change that, at some point we all need to feel again. Like i said, i can be quite the sop, crying at the silliest things. Silliest, but not always the saddest.I seriously wonder about myself and my sanity sometimes.

And i don't ever want to see any of you sad, although i know, there's alot of things you could be sad about. I guess if you were to cry for all of those things, no one would want to be around the saddest person in the world.

But come the time you do need to cry, you shouldn't have to hold it back. Nobody has the right to deny you your tears.

And i guess you can only share the sadness with some one you're comfortable with.

But for now, i'm glad that atleast you choose to share the laughter with me, even though we don't hang out much, *come to J.B.!!!*.

Just the other day i was thinking, that i have four members in my family, minus the parents , there'll be me and my brother, and eventually, many years down, it'll come down just to me.


Then i thought about you, and i realised, minus your Aunt, G'ma, and mum. There's just you.


The only child.

And then it struck me that you might be lonlier than me. And me being the overly dramatic boink, started wondering, and wondering and wondering.Then i realised, that even though you didn't say it, just like you don't say many things, that maybe your friendships mean a whole lot more to you than maybe anyone else.

Then i felt stupid.

Thanks ah.

I guess, good friends can feel comfortable telling each other how they feel.



Great friends?



Don't even have to say it.



You don't have to say anything.

------------------------------------------------------




Ok,

Another thing.

What would you do, if you suddenly realise that not everyone likes you?

*GAsp!* BuT THAtS IMPOSSIBLE KAY!!!!!

i know, but there are a few freaks out there.

lol.

I know, i'm not exactly easy to get along with. I talk too much, can get downright irritating, Smart Aleckish. Believe in alot of crazy things. Contradict myself from time to time.

CAn i stop there? BAsically i have alot of faults la, ok? lol.

I know people bitch about left, right and center.

It's ok, if i can't get famous, atleast,i'm notorious.

Sometimes i say stupid things. And can piss off even the nicest of people.

But can i be forgiven please? if i have ever offended you.

I don't have to be liked by everyone, frankly, i don't give a shit.

If i had a problem with someone, i usually tell them.

Because i would want them to know why i feel that way.

So, if you dare, come and tell me.

This is not a challenge, just an invitation. Really.

I don't need any enemies, or people who bitch about me, my luck is bad enough.

But if you do wish to continue, because you don't think i'm worth your time.

Go ahead, bitch away.. every insult is in fact a compliment, go on, get irritated by how perfect i am, and natter away with your fellow sheep, who're going to agree with you anyway.

wahahha.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------



SELFISH...



because i dont wash the dishes.

Because i don't do anything to help the family.

Because i don't do my duty?

Where do you think i got my selfishness from if not from you?

Who else am i going to learn from if not from you?

Don't you think it is remarkable that every bad trait that i have comes from my evil, rakshasa side, or from bad influences, and the little good that is in me comes from you?

Couldn't it possibly be the other way round?

I have always learnt from looking at you. And to stop myself from becoming you is what i'm doing.


You think you've done enough for us?

How can that be, when you have done nothing much? My mother supports me dammit and the rest of the family including you.

When you don't know you're own duty, how will i know mine?

Under the veil of illness you exclude all responsibility.

Or is it incapability?

Where is the man that was there 18 years ago?

Oh! i forget, its because of your mother, your brothers, your father, wife, son and daughter. lets not forget the government. The blame lies on them. Thaaaat's right.


YOu are perfect.

YOu are GOd.

This is your fate, and we all suffer according to our Karma and Dharma.

For all your intelligence, you baffle me at times.

Do you ever wonder why i went after Christianity?

I'm sorry for offending whichever Hindus are reading this.

But after being Hindu for many, many years.

I realise,

that hinduism is bullshit.

And you get scared whenever i talk about my God.

YOu tell me its difficult to be a christian, and that most christians out there are pretending, and that hinduism is the ultimate religion, and that it takes many rebirths before you can ever hope to born as Hindu.

YOu tell me that Christianity is nothing and that you know the Bible, i ask you and you seem to have re-written the Bible. YOur blasphemy scare me, and yet you demand i believe you, why? because you are GOd. I despise you. Because i know you are nothing.

YOu always seem to want to bring me down, every single time, now that i no longer believe in you, tell me i'm nothing, that i'm worth nothing. Failure, useless, rubbish.

If someone else said those words i wouldn't care, but you say it with so much venom, it scares me. Because i KNOW you want to hurt me. And i don't know why. Because i no longer believe you? Because i know you are nothing? so you use your authority and intelligence to play mind-games?

You lie all the time.

To yourself and to me.

Made me believe that i was only worth how ever much you ever thought i was.

YOU LIE ALL THE TIME!!!

ALL THE TIME!!

And thats why i can't even look at you.

So the next time you put me down and ask me why i'm like that.

Go look in the mirror, the answers over there.

Taffy at 11:22:00 AM

GOOD THINGS STILL DO HAPPEN

To two very beloved friends of mine, although we've just begun hanging out together recently, i think i really like your company and your friendship, and i hope to be friends with two wonderful people like yourselves for a long, long time...

And i want to say CONGRATULATIONS to both of you - Gentle Giant and Golden-Hearted Girl for getting together!!!

*forgive the cheesy names, but its quite befitting don't cha thunk?*

Nobody belongs together more than the two of you, and i am happy that i may have played even the smallest role in bringing you two together. I hope you two stay together for a long time, because for the first time in a long time something GOOD has happened, and its given me hope.

Thank You.



On another Note--


OI!!! 17th and 18th June, we're headed off to JB to Shop and eat!, we're leaving after Drama Practice on friday night (17th), and staying the night in a motel.
And then on the 18th we're gonna, well, shop and eat, and eat and shop, and shop and shop, and eat and eat. so yea. MX, NAZ,LELA, MELVYN, AZI!!! WANNA GO?

Whoever else wants to go can just come, or just give me a riiiiingggggg.

*Nad, you don't need special invite, you know you're automatically invited.I was just wondering whether your mum would agree or not.*

At the moment its just Der, Hana, Sharifah (Tipah), and me.And a few others i think. PLEASE COME!!! it'll be fun!!!! ok?!?!??!?!

*expires*


Alright...

I know Naina is reading my blog, so i'll not beat around the bush, and just ask,

canigo?i'mingoodhandsandipromisetobegoodandi'malmosttwentyyoucan'tstop mei'vebeenstudyingiswearI'llbeafilialdaughterandsupportyouwhen you're old.

*Breathes*

Can?

Can ah.... PLease?

Taffy at 11:49:00 AM

I like pink. 

Taffy at 12:29:00 AM

Ta da! 

Taffy at 12:29:00 AM

Very pretty indian gurlies don't cha thunk? 

Taffy at 12:28:00 AM

Poster good looks 

Taffy at 12:28:00 AM

Kewl. 

Taffy at 12:28:00 AM

Lovable. 

Taffy at 12:27:00 AM

More me. 

Taffy at 12:27:00 AM

The back of Der's head 

Taffy at 12:27:00 AM

Er... 

Taffy at 12:26:00 AM

Diva 

Taffy at 12:26:00 AM

Madagascar Lion 

Taffy at 12:26:00 AM

Retard 

Taffy at 12:25:00 AM

BEEEG SMILE. 

Taffy at 12:25:00 AM

I have Dimples!!! 

Taffy at 12:25:00 AM

Cute. I know. 

Taffy at 12:25:00 AM

Don. Kin. 

Taffy at 12:24:00 AM

Don. 

Taffy at 12:24:00 AM

DER. 

Taffy at 12:24:00 AM

ME!!! 

Taffy at 12:24:00 AM

Candid 

Taffy at 12:23:00 AM

More Indian 

Taffy at 12:23:00 AM

Lookin Indian 

Taffy at 12:23:00 AM

alright Photos for ARTS FEST!!!!  

Taffy at 12:22:00 AM

Taffy at 11:48:00 PM

Dearest Melvyn..

I wish

that i could give all the answers to those questions.

But that would mean jeopardizing other people's friendship with you.

I would lie if i were to say i cannot be as selfish as all that. I'm fighting the temptation.

Forget i ever said anything ok?

Sorry for being agonizing...

I'm too tired to do anything at the moment.

Taffy at 1:41:00 AM