MOON PEOPLE


For the past three years i've kept myself from the stage.

I've kept myself backstage.

For the sake of the club and for the fact that i was needed behind.


Also be sure to catch these people from Dramatec in there.

Shahdon- The "Hidden" Talent.

Watch him sing, dance and of course do a marvellous job acting! If you caught Devdas last year, you probably know what i'm talking about.

Nadira- Ah. The "powerhouse" Do i even need to elaborate. Just be ready to get your socks blown off..

Shikin- the " wicked babe" Can anyone do a better job adapting to any role than her? Fellow supreme, we're gonna rock!!!

Fadzley- The " Suprise" I have no idea what he's playing, but i know whatever role is given to him, he has the ability to sink into it faster than any actor i've seen.

Forgive me if i've forgoten anyone else.

The last person i want to talk about- She isn't a Dramatec member

I'm talking about Tanya Tan, our leading female.

She has one of the best trained voices i've heard thus far, Its seriously SOOOOO clear. so come on down to hear her and all of us!!! and give us your full support!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This seriously going to be a good opportunity to take time to take a step back and judge from just an actor's perspective.

Just learn and walk around aimlessly in the wings and backstage, until i'm needed.

Time to take a break, take a chill pill.

And watch Directors direct and just be a student.

Not a student leader.


And most importantly. LEARN.

I haven't had the opportunity to increase my knowledge of Drama in the recent years.

Its just been improve your juniors and repeat yourself.


I sat down and reflected, on the various artistic aspects of myself. The problem is i have not been developing any of my talents.

To the extent i believe i'm losing it.

Acting wise- Plateau.

I still need to work on stage presence, "charisma", Hold on audience and stage awareness.

I need to go on acting attachment.

Moon People will be it. lol.

Singing- i've never explored much cos i always thought i'm not good enough. But i realise, if i have it, i shd develop it.

Dancing- i took it for what a month back in secondary school? Thats it. I've been naturally flexible to some extent. wahahah.


Parental support.


I've always had a problem with this.

Every morning when i head to rehearsals its WWII in my house, complete with Hitler and Pearl Harbour.

I don't understand my mom, shes' the one telling me to develop my Classical singing, and shes the one telling me to shut up when i sing.

Schizo.

And she was the Indian Classical Singing Teacher.

My father- he hates anything to do with arts.

And he was the blues guitarist, and sketch artist/ Photographer/fashion designer. And fashion Label owner.

Haha.

And my house is the most devoid of artistical pursuits with the exception of me.

Hmmm...Maybe this lack of support is what fires up my passion for it.


So come MOON PEOPLE...

Its time to shine people! WHEE.........

Taffy at 3:18:00 PM

Aiight.

I'm pissed now.

Taffy at 6:21:00 PM

Moisture


I LOVE MOISTURIZING..

I am turning into a girl/Oooooomaaaaaaarn. (Woman)

Slowly, but surely. Ack!

Never thought that would happen to me.

Remember when i was young, anyone who dared to taunt me with " Kabe , is such a guuurl" would probably end up in a scuffle or shouting match with our mothers pulling us away.

Quiet i may have been, but forgiving?

heh.

lol.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


pROM, PROM, proM... PROM!!!!!


whee...

it'll be fun.

I'm sure of it.

Even if we;

1.Don't have a location confirmed
2.Have ponderings about our food
3.Programme is stagnant


Oh well, comfortingly, we just began any real work about a fortnight ago.

And now, we are $400 richer, earned within a day by the way,
we have a solid committee, whom anyone looks at will know are the types who can deliver power-packed events.

We have the right people in the right place doing the right thing.

How can we ever go wrong?

Now if only... hmph.

ATLEAST I KNOW WHAT KIND OF DRESS I"LL BE WEARING.


lol.



THE PROM ESSENTIALS.


any lady out there knows the preparation for prom begins at the very least 4 months ahead.

At first you receive the news.

And you spend a week or two speculating.

And then.

You look in the mirror.


And scream.

And then when you awake from your Traumatic Shock a week later, a month in total would have passed.


lol.


Then you realise alls not lost, and you have 3 months left to work with, so you start phase one.


Phase 1:

The evaluation.


This is when you evaluate what can be salvaged of the situation.

You know its time to detox, diet and do the disappearing act that the Olsen twins have initiated.

In other words. Lose that damn flab!

Phase 2:

The Battle plan.

So now you know what you gotta do.

And a gurl's gotta do what a gurl's gotta do.

You gotta Tone up!!!

For all you SIP students out there, this oughta be easy.

Think of it this way, no sprawling "goodie filled" canteens of our campus.

No chocolate filled bookshop, Or Norgen Vaaz with its ice cream brownies, or Jupiter Cafe with its Fish and Chips.

And come to think of it no "i'm-so-bloody-blessed-with-amazing-metabolism-and -i'll-always-have-my-bloody-abs-even-if-i-gorge-like-a-refugee-of-Cambodia-"Male friends, who have been sent up from hell.

So its going to be just you, the photocopy machine, and a whole host of other work generating machines, and your apple (green) and enough water to sink a battleship.

We're all set girls! *gives bimbotic smile and turns on D's NAtional Anthem, "i'm Every Woman"*

Phase 3:

Doing it.

Not only do you need to diet.

You're gonna have to learn how to exercise again.

Yes, remember that term from Secondary school?

E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E.

When you perspire, and lose liquids of various origins namely fat, water and ghee?

Only this time round you're not gonna have a Bung for a P.E teacher screaming at you to move that ass or have her kick it for you.

So say you Jog every morning, after downing black coffee, and do yoga in the afternoon on the behest of your au naturale loving mother, and on top of that skip like Robert De Niro when he played that mad wrestler in that movie?

And for those who prefer to be more creative, Dola Re to the Tunes of Mya or Dola Re itself why not?

You're definetely losing those pounds.

No carbs, No fat, no salt, and NO SUGAR.


Phase 4:

Motivation

You're going to need motivation ladies.

What can keep you from succumbing to those freshly made Gulab jamuns on the Kitchen Counter?

Or Chappati/ Puri with Korma?

Nobody can do it like Tyra Banks and her ladies!!!

Tune in every Monday at 10 to watch those lasses on America's Next Top Model strut their posteriors on your screen .

If you're in need of serious Motivation tune in to Extreme Makeover on Friday 10.00 p.m. and watch those team of experts give life to another hopeless Americano.And take heart in knowing that at least you won't have to reshape your entire face to be considered human.

*Some of them are really nice genuine people, and i Think that show has got good objectives, however it gives the wrong idea. That you have to look good, in order to get ANYWHERE*

Corporate America.

Phase 5:

Skin.

What ever goes on inside is important.

But what's the point of having the perfect figure, You know, when ppl say your face looks like the surface of the moon, it can't be a good thing- cause even the moon is scarred.


So, do remember to Moisturise, Tone, and keep your face CLEAN!!!!!!

DRINK LOADS OF WATER and pop Zinc tablets from time to time.

Hmm and do eat tomatoes, Rosy complexions are always a plus.

Also, mashing a ripe banana to use as a facial mask works wonders.


Phase 6:

Hair.

For those of you your hair resembles a bird nest at the best from far.

YOu know its time for drastic action.


CLEANSE AND CONDITION!

And don't forget Brush!

And eventually when time comes, head down to the hairdresser, grab her feet and cry like a hopless fashion victim and hope she saves your life, because she's the only one who can.


Phase 7:

THE DRESS

By now atleast a month before the night., you would have some idea how you would want to dress,.

So you start scouting for that perfect dress.

Now living in Singapore, you know that theres no way anything thats worth wearing would cost less than your Father's car, and anything that fits within your budget would do better as your Kitchen Rag.

So what do you do?

Turn to the Magazines!

And no doubt with Technological advancements you would be able to find images of our Hollywood Goddesses/Actoresses.

And this is when you start making your pick of dress designs.

Finally YOu head down to the Tailor , and voila, the dress is decided.


And for the next few weeks you continue your dieting, and scout for necessary accesories and nail colour and shoes and make-up.

Not to mention Hairstyle.

Phase 8:

When the day finally arrives, you wake up remove that facial mask, run screaming through the house, weigh yourself one last time to make sure the happiness hasn't made you gain weight, and then you have you very healthy breakfast and thus begins the rest of the day!!!

1. You have your customary jog
2. You head home for your shower and head on down to the Spa you obvioulsy booked an appointment with eons ago.
3. YOu get your nails done.
4. You get your hair done.
5. You head home for getting on your dress, shoes and makeup, and then...
6. You board your taxi/car/limousine/Boyfriend's car and you head off to that prom!


And you know when you enter that room and heads turn and you hear the grinding teeth behind those fake smiles, which are nicotine stained by the way, that those three months of agony were worth the pain, And thats when you sashay across the room to the buffet.

Nyumnyumnyum.

Or of course you could just forget the whole thing and be happy and just be who you are and have fun and fit into a size 50 dress and not fit into the class picture. And look like whale next to the rest of them.

*gives bimbiotic smile*

Taffy at 5:12:00 PM

All That I say...


Today is another day.

Another day i wake up to see the girl i know is not me.

I live now in a strangers body.

I see her as others see me.

someone else.

I have my own opinions of her.

And yet, i am not apart from her.

I Am her.

I fear for one day i might become her.

How strange.

I Am her and yet.

I am not.


_________________________________________________________


I have given my views on Islam...

I have given my views on Hinduism many a time.

Now i give my view on Christianity.

Truth. Beauty. Freedom. Love.

Absolute and complete.

So easy and yet so difficult.


Everyday i fear i may awake dead.
But then i fear if i don't awake, does that mean i'm dead?

Everyday i fear i may awake in hell.
But then i fear was it in hell i fell asleep?

Everyday i try to get to heaven.
But in getting there, will i know when i've reached.

And if i don't, how will i know i haven't passed it by?

Everyday i fear i may awake dead,
But then i feared that if i don't awake, if it would mean i'm dead?
So i stay dead awake, wondering if i'm better of dead instead.
I will never know unless of course, one day, the dead awake.

Taffy at 1:35:00 AM

ME.

Last night when i got back home, the first thing i did was to pull out a mahjong paper stack and start writing out all the various activities i'll be involved in, in the upcoming months and the various duties i have to fulfill.

Quite sad.

I'm not doing as much as i should, could. MUST.

Not even as KAY/Kabetha/Kabby.

Firstly, i've been feeling all hypocritical lately. The way i've had to handle things.The way i've handled things.

Secondly, I've been reallly bitchy and mean recently.

I was NOT very happy with the visit we received from certain friends of ours.

I've been less sharp than usual.

Less everything.

1. Dramatec


My club. my CCA, my friends, my home away from home. Family away from family. Actually in that case, family, period.

I want to be more than just someone whos in charge of them.

In my last year, i want to be their friend. Like i always have tried to be.

In the upcoming months there will be times where i'll have to be harsh.

I have to scold.

But i hope they know whatever i do, i sincerely, sincerely love all of them.

I know i'm not gd at the whole sincerity thing, if theres one thing i can't do, is apologise or say thank you without coming across as insincere, mainly becos i'm trying not to cry.

I treasure all their talents, and even the slightest put down from any one about my actors, i can't help but feel totally insulted on their behalf.

It's like telling a mother, "hey that's a real ugly baby."


2. Studies.

Well we'll see what happens la huh?

3. Prom commandoes

wahahha.


4. Moon People

well well well.


5. IPDS


life-long membership *gulps*


6. GREASE


wooohooooo@!!!!!


7. Arts nite

it's going to be cool



8. SIP

LOSING WEIGHT TIME


9. Set design comp.

hmmmmmm


10.Chalet


Quality time with my ppl.

11. Various other law events.


------------------------------------------------------------------


One thing i'd like to share.


MY PERCEPTION OF ISLAM


tell me i'm committing Kamikaze.


But i have to say this.




I respect that religion.



I've never in my life come across a religion that is as disciplined as this, or has followers who are as steadfast.

It truly is a warriors' religion.

A muslim is a warrior of their God.

The fasting has always amazed me.

The prayers, the rules.

And i've had a friend describe the morning of breaking fast to me.

I could see the relief it brought her that dawn of Raya, the peace, the renewed faith.

She described that morning's prayers as the most releasing calming thing in the world, that can bring her the toughest person i know to tears.

A brief conversation we had in BK one time while waiting to go see a movie,But it stuck in my mind.

I understood what she meant. The same feeling i get every christmas, in church, standing in between my cell members, feeling warm in my sweater while a storm rages outside during the december month and singing carols.

But that wasn't the only time i experienced it.

There was once when i was exceptionally stressed, and i was walking past that mosque in Tampines during Mahgraib prayers.
The street was busy, crowded, and twilight was approaching, the time when the so called demons are out.

When i stepped into the shadow of the mosque, and heard the voice of the song like prayer suddenly its as if someone reached out a shut the volume on the rest of the world.

The stress lifted, and in that brief moment that i walked past the mosque, only that peaceful voice existed.

Allah may be a word that means God in another language.

But to me, it still means God.No matter what language he speaks.

Race may not have divided this time. But religion did, all across the world in fact, in the recent years.

For many years in fact.

Don't let it part us.

It is supposed to be a night that unites.

Let it remain so.

This coming from a christian who was raised a hindu, and in her poly years made many, many fantastic Muslim friends, whom she doesn't think she can live without.

Taffy at 1:35:00 AM

Outside.

Laugh.


Inside.

Dark.

Taffy at 8:45:00 PM

Taffy at 8:42:00 PM

If i Had only one song to sing to you..




He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme
I know He's as damned as he seems
and More Heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
it Just ain't right
It just ain't right
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster
he's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tightbaby
Hold me tight
Oh and I don't know
don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waiting so long i've waited
So longHe's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh 'cause I don't know
Don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
Beautiful, beautiful disaster
Beautiful Disaster

Taffy at 11:47:00 AM

Recently....


aiight... time for an update univolving my fucky grp members...



In Yimei's car on the way to Naz's house to deliver baking goods for the next days fund-raising endeavour. Naz, Azi, Nad, Mei, MX and myself were squeezed in, when we arrived at her place-

MX- "LET MY GENITALS GO!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Following that we had to travel to Bukit Chandu to rekky the place for prom. We were lost for approximately 1- 1 1/2 hours.

We were going from expressway to expressway, during which, not wishing to get involved caught on my sleep only to dream about falling out of the car and waking up with a start, my heart going faster than yimei's car speed, (which is not very fast by the way), and then i locked the car door and fell back to sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once we reached we had to follow Marcus's taxi, in order to reach the place, it felt like we were in some car chase, cause the uncle must have been so excited he started going at some really high speed and Yimei was cursing while trying to keep up with. It nearly resulted in all of us reaching heaven early.

Most daring i've ever seen Mei, i think most of us in the car were so amazed at her we were more staring at her in amazement than watching out for 12 tonne lorries that could have creamed us.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE BAKING DAY



Cookie hitler a.k.a Tan Yi Mei


omg.

lol

we baked from 12 (For me) till about 10 p.m., with ample food breaks to nourish our cookie infused systems.


Yimei. Omg, she marched into the kitchen and goes- "Alright those of you who aren't doin a good job , will stop immediately and start sprinkling the nuts."

And the three of us who were layering chocolate on the cookies stoppped and again stared at her in amazement. lol.

After which we were stressed out dripping chocolate while she loomed over as, which is quite strange considering her pygmy size. wahaha, power does strange things to ppl.

Yi mei, at times, she really scares me. wahahaha.


At the end of it all we were left with an excess river of chocolate, with which we had fondue and went crazy with. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............................


phew... no more cookies. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh..........



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surveys for prom.


Under possible performance pieces, and what the audience would like to see-


" MENAGA for bellydancing."


.......

The law guys ah.

sometimes.....


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today.


we're going off to Arts house, Arts civilisation musuem, and Arts museum, we're minutes away from leaving and TAnia is nagging at me, lol, i'm typing at high speed.

WOOHOO>>>>>> prom!

theres a sign in ILAW that's publicising the prom forum, that went. fine..


i think its gonna rock!

its so fun, i like working with these ppl.


yes, i'm sure,tania.



lol. anyways. we're leaving now i think mx is announcing our taking offf byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............

Taffy at 4:08:00 PM

"Hey kay, cn ur stvff be more CLEAR n CONCISE? N ur aplication is TOO little. send 2 us a GD 1 by tmrw nn. i'm sure u dun want 2 c e other side of me?"


Is it any better than the side i'm seeing already?

If so please turn around, i would like to kick it in so it'll match the other side.


Chee Bai.

Thats the sms spelling mistakes and all.

And i replied stating that he's rude, and he says?

" i didn use any vulgarities..."

Tell me, do vulgarities rudeness make?

you can bloody rude using simple words.

Uncalled for sarcasm i say.

But they say i'm dragging on work that shd have been handed in long ago. Bloody hell, they only just finished themselves.
And i needed their parts to do mine.

we have another week to the deadline.

And my part doesn't even affect their parts.But theirs affects mine mind you.

Apparently they ASSUMED that i lost interest in the work when i didn send them my part for about three weeks. While they took their time sending me theirs.

Natural assumption to make i suppose.

Only, couldn't you call? or ask me in class? or at any of the law lectures even if you didn see me at P.M lecture?

The deadline was so far away, my priorities were whatever was immediately impending.

Of course they won't know that, they don't know my life, that i come home everyday at 12, and leave for school at 8 after barely sleeping.

Oh GOD.

Initially i smsed and asked whenever i could, and no one was really even interested in replying me even.


They never even included me in MSN convos they had, but they can ask how come i wasn't online?

I wasn't told dammit.

Obviously alot was decided, that i was never filled in on.

Cause eventually i was given, grudgingly, mind you, some light weight stuff to do.


" understand what is implied."

"Don't make assumptions"


I'm supposed to understand whatever is implied, but not make assumptions?

What the hell.

logical flaw, much?

My CDS grp members.

When i discussed my issues with grp with one of my grp members, her stand was clear, we're a majority, no matter what you say, you're wrong, you could have found a way around it.


I didn't even bother fighting back really.

Like save my energy, thanks.


What pissed me off is that one of my group members went to my lecturer and complained about me, when i was just there.

At least have the decency to talk to me?


Obviously i'm in one of those super-achieving, lusting for high grades group, who're willing to beat down one member to claim more of the marks for themselves.

Dog-eat Dog group.

I don even know what to say about them, except thank you for waking me up to realise that there are some fuckers out there.

I know i have my flaws, and yes, i made mistakes, but when i am trying, can you recognise that instead of alienating me some more?


You say i never tried to be part of the grp. Did you even try to incl. me?

Oh i forgot, i shd hv initiative right?

Then where the hell did yours fucking go?

Oh yea it only extends as far as doing your own work, but not letting a dormant group member who is unsuspectingly doing her own work, know that the rest are geting impatient?

Or is it that you hoped she wouldn't wake up, so you could kick her out?

You guys don't even bother letting me know things till the last minute.

Or sometimes not at all.


YOU busier then me?

like fuck.

Try being me.


They talk to me like a kid, like as if i don't understand things.

Like i'm stupid.

Like fuck.

All 3 of you.

Taffy at 2:01:00 AM

i'd be lying if i say i'm fine

But then i'm tired of being tired


I'm tired of being stressed.

But i've had enuf of being stressed.


I could say i'm pissed

But most would say, the word Kay is synonymous to it already, and therefore redundant to mention.


I could say i'm busy.

In this world who isn't?


Then again i would complain.

But what's going to be new?


One thing though.



I LOVE DRAMATEC.


I HATE WORKING WITH SELF-RIGHTEOUS, SELF-ABSORBED, RUDE people.


whee....





I shd say i'm happy.


Now that would be a suprise.

Taffy at 10:42:00 PM

It's been a while

since i last saw you...............


lol

yea. talking to my blog.




Life is happy.


Life is busy.

And i've just been removed from Temasek poly.

lol.

Dun wori, they'll probably let me back in. it's a stupid reason to kick me out.

_________________________________________________


What's going on?

Hmmm lets see

Got loads of calling to do for arranging Workshops for drama

Got prom work to do......... its gonna rock. Seriously.

Got two performances this thursday and friday, and a performance to watch on friday...

A meeting this wednesday and one today. Just had one today morning.

___________________________________________________

How am i feeling right now?
i am feeling... happy!

happy, that someone would actually go any length to prove that they're better than me.

hmmm, well if it happens, it happens.

i don't quite care.

Quite flattered actually.


lol.


poor shite.




Law investiture...


AZIZAH FOR PRESIDENT!

Taffy at 4:51:00 PM

IT's TIME

for a happy post!

yup been down in the dumps lately.

But hey, when the world's so beautiful, it can't keep someone down for long!

tra la la la.

what do you do when you like someone, you know you shouldn't?

Or you probably couldn't.

oh well..


i'll just pray.

For God to send me my own Angel, eh Caro?

wahaha.

Glad i straightened that one out.


*Does Bono Imitation*


It's a beautiful dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....


God and his angels...


i believe in God....





Deceit and Hurt you can conceal, But TRUTH and CONSCIENCE you can't seal says:

"He gives power to the weak, And to those have no might, He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, And young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, They SHall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Ish 40:29-31

------Reject. Retard. Recluse. says:

amen

Deceit and Hurt you can conceal, But TRUTH and CONSCIENCE you can't seal says:

no one can be 24 hrs beside you to give the support u sometimes need, even ur closest friends. but God can. times when u r down draw strength from the God that loves.

'
;
;
;
;
;

;


Deceit and Hurt you can conceal, But TRUTH and CONSCIENCE you can't seal says:

i am not worried abt drama club, but I am concerned about you. do call me anytime, I am here for you.

------Reject. Retard. Recluse. says:

thanks wendy




Wendy and I. In a convo...


My Wendy.

And to the end.

My president.
And constant source of inspiration and hope.

She inspires me.

And like an angel.
She swoops out from no where and catches me.

Wendy..


Peter Pan had his Wendy.

Now i have mine....whee.

Taffy at 1:14:00 AM

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN...

temporary.

replacement.

lol.

should have known.

no one ever REALLY needs me.

How is it that its just this group of people who affect me so much?

How is it i lull myself into a false sense of security? and then set myself up for a fall again and again.

It was temporary. And i was just a replacement.

And now i feel just the way i had a couple of months back.

As usual.

Lonely.

Misunderstood.

Mocked.

left out.


And now?

Betrayed.


and.


USED.

Taffy at 3:30:00 AM

LATELY...

Don't know what's come over me.
I feel very unlike me.

I hear thoughts in my head that are selfish.
I am not carrying out my duties as i should.

I'm slipping.

I've slipped back into my realm of lonliness.
Slipped back into my sensitive mode, where moonlight is harsh and kind words are mocking.

Jealousy.

Empty.

Hurt.

Insecurity.

Pain.

Hate.

I've been feeling redundant.

I've been feeling ugly.

And unwanted.

Unecessary.

Despair.

And just when i was feeling it at its worst, life just loves to give my suprises.

I saw them.

Seated one table away.

I was just going to walk past, when i caught sight of an extremely familiar face.

An older face.

A face i had known for 13 years.

A face that had once come with a voice.

One that would advise and call out.

the voice i would converse with at the end of every holiday. Complain to and beg with to take me away.

Away from the parents. Who kept fighting.

who kept blaming.

Away from the instability and the fear.



And just like that one day, i'm told i cam have nothing to do with them.

Of course, i could pretend.

And it seemed pretty easy, i mean, i see my cousin everyday at school.

But them?

her?

At that point it proved too much.

For the past few years i lived in hopes of reconciliation, that seem further and further away with each passing day.

they didn't even recognise me.

If they had pretended not to see me. that would have been alright. Cause that would mean they still remember me.

And there i was standing barely a foot away.

no sign of recognition.


I couldn't help it. i cried. yes momentarily, uncontrollably.
But, i stopped. Why start now?

for one i was scaring those around me.

For another making a fool out of myself.

So much for being accused of indifference, because in return thats all i got.

Hmm, the sad and unconscious vindictiveness.

So much for fear of laughter.

Shouldn't have feared it. Because coming from some. It might have proven better.

Shd nvr expect any to understand.

No one will.

Some ppl cry because they fear losing their parents.

I cry, because of my own stupid mistakes i made as a child, mistakes never rectified or put a stop to by parents, parents who blame others throughout their lives.Including a 12 year old who didn't know what she was doing.

I cry because of severed ties, that i have to put up a brave front to hide my missing them.

And sometimes i cry, in the night unseen and unheard.

Because i need to know i still can cry.

To lose that ability, will truly make me inhuman. lol. hmm?

But now i think, that will be the best way to cry.

Unseen, unheard, unknown.

To others.

It is easier to put on a laugh, and smile.

Simple, in fact i've perfected it.

Drama really does teach you a few handy points.

Moments before you see your friends, in slips that easy and convenient smile. That sparkle in eyes.

And voice resumes it light and breezy tone.

All amazingly easy all of a sudden, when the morning began with grief.

Theres alot of things i don't share. Looks like i just have to add the whole of myself into that category.

Taffy at 1:29:00 AM

Untitled.

One of my DT kids just set up a blog. And this is what it says.


AN EXCERPT FROM A BLOG.

there's where this new life of mine begins ....

DramaTec

A bunch of talented young people with a love for the arts

We meet every Friday or whenever there is a need to
After which we go out for dinner
Where stories are told and jokes are shared
To everyone else this may seem rather mundane
I don't expect anyone to understand
But these are the moments that I cherish
The little things that mean the most
Like the way Melvin screams (pardon the spelling, Gorgeous)
Nad's super memory power
How Kin always seems to have a can of coke around somewhere
Nurul's intelligence and innonecence
Mas for being so darn sweet
How Paul always seems happy to see me
Fadzli and Kenny with their japanese anime and pokemon comic books
How Haider always gives a firm Hancock whenever I meet him
How Hana says "harbi" like I just came out of kindergarten
The others who are just as special as those mentioned

And then there's Kay.... the way she shouts my name when she sees me how that always startles me and makes me feel special inside (I wonder why she stopped doing that?)
The sparkle in her eyes when she gives that big pearly white smile of her's

How being with her makes me feel stronger and weaker at the same time.

As much as I have grown fond of them all I don't know what they think of me

Do I hold any significant meaning to them?Do they miss me when I'm not around?Or am I just a fading memory soon to be lost with time?

I know I don't fit in
As hard as I try I'm not like them
I don't have happy stories or jokes to share

(What am I suppose to say "hey guys I patched up a Encoder, Decoder and Multiplexer circuit today Whoopie Doo!")

My responses are slow at best

When I do try to speak it sounds like a dead man awaking from his grave
Its not that I'm proud or snobbish

I'm just painfully shy(But I'm Working on it)

I've written in words what I cannot express without betraying its meaning in spoken language.I don't know how they regrad me
But I do know how I regard them

They're not my friends ....

They're family.





________________________________________________________________


i'm touched.

I, have always hoped that this club could be more than what people think it is.that it would be a place where you could just belong. And where you'd always be welcome.

i'm happy that even if its just one person, its made a difference.

Family.

Hmm.

Drama has always been a constant in my life since i knew how to read even.

And if thru my art, and thru what i'm proud to say is mine and every members', i can make a difference.

It was worth it.

And the comments about me and the rest. Absolutely sweet. Thank you.

Only very special people can see special things in others.

It is a gift to see beauty in all that surrounds you.Because most of the time. It's a reflection of who you are inside.

You have that gift Harbi.

I hope drama continues to be family to you even after we're gone.

Taffy at 1:07:00 AM

Chill pill.


i'm so chilled i haven't gotten properly angry in a long while.


wahaha..

wth.

nonsense.


anyways. i'm happy now.


post below?


hmm.


I.. just... Hate... STUPIDITY.

Good argument? Logic? Fair?


love it.


STUPID, nit picking, petty rubbish?


I don't like.


*hunkers around*

oh well. Like i said.


not my business.

I 'll talk of other things.


trala la la...



did i mention i'm going crazy remembering deadlines?

today, i've got three.

Not project.

CCA.

God.

Can i appoint an acting president?

Just for a little while?


please?



may be i will....



OOOOOOOOOOOO NADDY?!??!?!?!?


1. revised script
2. comm list & details
3. Comp law proj
4. PM proj
5. Civ pro test
6. Ba 2 test
7. Various proposals
8. Prog comm(prom)
9. various performances
10. Running my CCA
11. Sub Comm interview
12. Studying for exams
13. watching a performance.


Where in the following do you see time to

a) breath.

b) sleep




and recently i can't not sleep, cos once i stay up too late, my chest starts hurting.

Hell these days i wake up with my chest hurting. and my head, and my throat.

Especially my throat.

what is happening la?


i am growing old.


wahaha.


and when i reach home, which close to midnight everyday by the way.

I have no energy to do anything.

Including tutorials which i rush on the bus to school everyday.

I need a break.

i need a replacement.

i can't wait to hand over.

i can't wait to graduate.

Taffy at 10:06:00 AM

Tangled tango pickles.


P. I. S. S. E. D


I DID NOT LIKE IT WHEN YOU CURSED AT HIM

I DID NOT LIKE IT WHEN YOU THREW YOUR FUCKING TANTRUMS.

I MOST DEFINATELY DID NOT LIKE IT WHEN YOU ACTED PETTY.

I guess, i don't like you.

BITCH.


this is one bullfight i can't get involved in.

It takes two to tango.

hmph.

*controls self*

this isn't any of my business.

I shdn't be so emo abt it.

*breathes*

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

irritating Chao chee bai!!!!

don't abuse him can?

Use your brains can?

Or have they not developed yet? Like your *censored*, and your bloody *censored*?


Hmmm. And him.

He must be at fault as well. some how somewhere, minute as it may be.

It takes two to tango.

So fuck you too.

Just to be fair.

heh.


WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

the problem with teenagers i tell you.

They think they know everything.

Just because you look like an adult and can do adult things, doesn't make you an adult.


I'M NOT AN ADULT!!!!

SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE ONE????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU EPITOME OF IMATURITY.

hmph.

Taffy at 12:55:00 AM