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15 September, 2005
Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me __________________________________________________________________________ Broken Promises See people, they always make these promises, and say all these things that they don't mean. Like they love you. And they'll miss you. That you're important. To them. And then they go away, for a really long time. Because of stupid reasons. They don't call. Or come and see you. They just forget you. And leave you behind, in a place they always came to take you away from. Thats it. You don't see them anymore. And you wonder, between good and bad? You don't know. they make all these promises then they break them. So you get hurt right? You think its better to just not make any friendships like that again.Relationships like that again. one day they'll all leave anyway. And then, there comes a time where one makes friends, again. It strikes you, when they make all those familiar promises again. That if they mean it. And if they'll leave you. Again. ________________________________________________________________ Miscommunication. I'm sorry about miscommunication. Maybe its just me who doesn't understand... Sorry. I'm glad you care. Really. Thanks. _________________________________________________ Maybe i seem childish.... but these are afterall... childish fears. hah. This is new to me.... for once i'm voicing out something that sounds completely illogical even to me. I guess its called feelings. I feel like i've been living in a fog. And just sinking deeper each passing year. I dunno anything any more. I dunno what's wrong. I just feel like something's going to happen. But it never does. I'm so worried somethings going to unravel, so i keep wanting to say goodbye to things before they say goodbye to me. I've been searching for that phrase to finally be able to understand what i've been doing. I've been defeating myself. My whole life, because i'm scared of finding out what will happen if i tried. I never gave myself or anyone else a chance. _________________________________________________ I've shifted. www.absolutkay.blogspot.com
14 September, 2005
Some people live for the fortune Some people live just for the fame Some people live for the power, yeah Some people live just to play the game Some people think that the physical things Define what’s within And I’ve been there before But that life’s a bore So full of the superficial Some people search for a fountain The promise is forever young Some people need three dozen roses And that’s the only way to prove you love 'em Hand me the world on a silver platter And what good would it be no one to share no one who truly cares for me Some people want it all But I don’t want nothing at all
The fear of blogging. Yea that's right. It strikes when you get violent comments from nobodies. Its not what the comments themselves say mind you. Its the backlash. You get the people who tell you to ignore it and move on with life. You get the people who fake concern. You always the get the mind-boggling question, " Who is anon?" Gee if i knew... Then there are those who are sincerely concerned. Like Sashi, like Paul, and like Azi. Thanks. They've been by my side, helping me figure this thing out. Because i don't take it lightly. I'm not hurt or upset or the least bit affected by it. But i would like to know why, and who did it though. And then there are friends... well.. Hah. wow i'm taking action. Good for me i guess. Hey anon. guess what? you might just be right you know. the people i think are truly my friends, may not even be. They might even agree with some of the things you said. Wow-wee. I should just go and commit suicide i guess. Thats right ignore me, i could die, and i don't think you'd find out a week from now. Yup you could say you didn't know, You didn't realise. You didn't think i'd take it that seriously. So you went oh well. What the hell, Its just some monkey, doing it for the kicks. Oh well. I still wished you guys had been there. And not out having fun. Atleast i have people who care. Even if they weren't you two. Never mind... I'll probably never get an apology. Probably unnecessary. what's done is done. See theres my fear of getting laughed at again. you said, why would i laugh when you need a shoulder to cry on. and yet it happens, time and again. That time in Lau Par Sat. And again... If anything this makes me more distraught than anything else. revenge? i explained why i acted the way i did. This is the time i realise. There ain't nobody going to be there for you. If you ain't there for yourself. Screw friends. What friend? i'd do better with anon. down there for a pal. Least i dun get ignored. If this makes you angry or the least bit pissed off. well. Good for you! Just think about how i could have been feeling. Guess it was wrong to have even allowed myself to be feeling. Go on have fun with whoever. I guess. I'm just DT Pres to y'all. In other words a Nobody. i've had it man. This is the end. Ta.
12 September, 2005
Aiight so at 9 .00 a.m. i jerk awake out of bed, remembering i was supposed to go get meat to make the curry for today's BBQ. I walked to the kitchen to use the toilet there, and then on the walk back nearly collide with my mother, who tells me to watch my way, and that she has to hurry, gotta make it to the market, and back. I blurly lumber back to bed promising to wake up within and hour's time to go to Geylang Market. 1.00 p.m. I slowly open my eyes, the afternoon sunlight streaming into my room, blinding my already short sighted eyes. I turn over pick up my phone and then run around the house, trying to make it to the market before it closes, i tell my mother whereii'm going, and get berated for not telling her. Cause thats where she just went and got back from. I reach Geylang Wet market at 1.35 p.m. after given up waiting for the bus, and deciding to walk. I reach completely dehydrated, and just make it to the chin chow store in time to revive myself before proceeding to make my smelly purchases. I reach home at 2.00 p.m. and thence began the cooking of massive proportions. I began with Mutton curry, followed by my Spaghetti, And at this point somewhere, a distant rumbling in the sky caused me to curse out loud...and then my record -breaking mother made chappati's (while Yimei waited downstairs in her car) at 5 in 10 mins. We made 20. And then began the picking up of last minute purchases along the way, e.g. ice, bread, chracoal. And making the long travel to the BBQ pit, where stood an entire party awaiting our arrival with the only store of cooked food. And that's how our BBQ began. Unfortunately, the turnout was not as fantastic as we imagined it would be, but to those who came, well technically, it was those who have always supported any law event. Thank you for coming. Fot those who did not make it, well, you can make it up. Just donate to the prioject twinkle fund. Now as a friend of mine said. No joke, no fun,.
11 September, 2005
It is a fundraising event for Project twinkle, a camp organised by AZIZAH, president of LAW INC, for Orphaned kids. A fee will be charged , and 1/2 of it goes towards this Camp. THe other is used to offset the cost of the BBQ. Time: 5.00 p.m. - next day. Place: East Coast Park Date: Sept 11 '05 Fee: $ 10.00. SeE YOU THERE! To the seniors who are coming- Thank you all very much for the support! knew we could count on you guys! To the year ones and other supporters of the event - we lOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUU........... To those of you who aren't coming - well, we'll tell you all about the great fun we had. : ). _____________________________________________________________________________ PROJECT PILOT WAS FANTASTIC!! JUST got back from watching it in fact. Like an Hour and half ago. lol. One of my dramatec Juniors, Mato, invited me to watch the screening of the project pilot shooting at one of the crew's home. It started off with the BBQ, and there were other ppl involved as cast in that particular short film entitled - "ShADDUP & SHOOT", whom i know, coincidentally, like Marco ( COURSEMATE), Ah-neo ( DT MEMBER & TPSU VP), and Jeremy ( FELLOW MOON PPL AUDITIONEER). Written by an old psychology group mate of mine, Anand Pullat. I appreciate film, but i always felt that in TV acting, its not that challenging, cause its the camera that's doing all the work, and no actual acting talent is needed. HOWEVER, it was obvious that the actors involved were naturals, and quite good actors incidentally, especially a character called - AVID lol. wahahah, good job Matsy. Oh and Jeremy too- can't remember the character's name though. Well they all did a good job, i see that there is alot more work involved in film than just pure acting, just like theatre in a sense, you need your set, props, lighting ,music, and that spark of inspiration and chemistry to carry it off and good editting. Oh and out of four films, this was the best and it has been chosen to represent TP to be AIRED on Arts Central. WELL DONE TP. I won't be suprised if they win.
07 September, 2005
Mystic
Most Likely... Seniors, how many of you remember the day when you first walked into TP? The very elite Law & Management awaited us. Well actually i believe we would have lost that image within minutes of having to go "TP OI! , OI! TP OI! OI! SUP SUP OI!!!!!" in our beloved sports field slowly getting roasted by the blistering hot sun of July. But it was then, i believe, we realised we're actually in wait of a very fun few years of late adolescent growing up. Along with lecturers, both caring and equipped with a tongue of acid truth, Almost three years sped by in a haze of Tutorials, and boring lectures, that were abandoned half way when we realised the fallacy of the claims that you'd be sentenced to answering fan mail for a undefined number of hours, for a certain famous lecturer we have, if you didn't attend or do your homework. In the words of a fellow sr. shirker
We started with 120, some left unable to take the heat, some left in pursuit of greater aims, and we have to be the first Polytechnic course that had someone leave to go to a J.C.and now, all but 98 remain. We made it guys. We've almost made it to the end. Congratulations. Albeit an unlucky few, the writer included, will be left behind to complete modules they had been tardy about. Almost Three years. It may have convinced me i never, ever want to see another manila folder or hear a sentence beginning with the words "The issue is whether ..." And dang me, but if i ever set up a business, all my client's files will be hot pink. Enough with the red and green, aye? Hear, hear! We're reaching Three years. An amazingly short period of time in the big scheme of things, but those years must be some of the times one will never forget. Rushing out project deadlines, only to discover 2 minutes after the deadline passes you've forgotten to add in the citation of the most important case. Even worse, racing through the hallways in order to get to that sacred card board box that awaits your project, within the next 3 minutes or risk losing 10% of your grade, which in turn affects your overall grade, and there's no way you'll be gaining that back with participation marks, not when you've slept away practically half of every tutorial. And of course, just then the usually deserted Lifts at 5 p.m. choose to be filled, and holy-smokes! you see the very lecturer you're supposed to be handing in to standing there, looking at his watch, giving you " if i get there before you... " look. And thats when you curse the poly education system's lack of P.E and sprint up the stairs from the 1st/3rd floor that in most Olympic races would have beat the world record. Not to mention having your letter labeled as *gulp* an IDIOT LETTER. Poly life. Thats what they meant in that commercial when they said always exciting. Uproars in Ilaw, always be aware of whos in the next cubicle. Even fake partitioning has ears. Politics aside. Ilaw. THE senior hangout. Or so it seems. Can't find some one? quite likely to be at Ilaw, finishing up projects or playing online games, or just plain chilling. Or perhaps, cooped up in the Meeting room cooking up the next big event. Like Project twinkle, our mascot Vik's own personal SDU, in the words of MX. Yep, Prooooooject Twinky! I don't think any of us will ever forget THAT event. I don't think any of us will forget Vik. The man every student in law can relate to. Afterall, where did you ever think that a short, strange accented, moustachioed indian dude, would ever be the cause of such hilarity at lectures and which ever tutorial group was graced with him as a classmate? Coupled with his partner at crime, Iz. Law has never been so happening. And to think they both ended up at the same attachment firm. Many of us get the strange feeling that our juniors will be one attachment choice short when their turn comes along. I'm just kidding, we all know they're both definetely way smarter than they seem. Soap Dishes can't talk.* Now let me pick that bone with politics again. Heck, it runs in our blood. Face it, when election time comes along, doesn't your radar go up in search of who's running, and don't you spend a good time of dinner time at Techno discussing Law Inc elections? One would think the presidential elections would have held more interest. But of course, a good source of gossip never goes unwasted. Everyone remembers the paper tearing slick , crowd pleaser Bertram, and who can forget a certain Russian spouting/ writing Princess, who unfortunately left our midst, in order to learn how to use a over head projector so as to make a comeback at the next elections? Anyone remember a certain spontaneous last minute runner who proffessed a lost dream of wanting to be the next Billy Eliot and donning a pink Tu-Tu? Most importantly does anyone remember one who became the quiet source of strength for most of our law events and was eventually given the right position to honour her faith in the committee? Who else? AZI FOR PRESIDENT!!!! Did i hear someone go, what about the lecturers? Well i could say they were the guiding light, and without them we would be nowhere, they threw us into the deep end and then stood on the other side waiting for us to reach nirvana in that particular subject. And that they were sharp with their words but only ever spoke the truth, truth that re-molded us, and that made us grow up. But then again, i could say all that, but what's the point when we all already know it? Cause they also taught us, it is unecessary to elaborate that which is already known. Instead, like a certain petite, lovable lecturer loves to shrill at us, PLAIN ENGLISH!!!! Yes, alot can be encompassed in one word. Thanks. No need for unncessary formalities you see. For now we're in the midst of exam week, so while most of TP awaits results and Supp papers in Trepidation, and later today, Marcus will as always leave the lecture hall early so that he can deliver the traditional after exam laugh, we'll remember... Class of 05/ 06. Yes, secondary school was the very foundation of our lives. But Poly? I believe it it made us the men and women we were meant to be, in order to lead the life we're all supposed to lead. Now, we're all doing the last lap. SIP Let make it thru this one, and then come back one last time to share our lives together, before we set of to be who we were going to be when we first set foot here. Within months, we will be alumni. Within months we will be ex-schoolmates. A memory, one that will no doubt be cherished and talked about over gatherings and barbeques. who knows, maybe even at a wedding? who knows what the future holds. We'll only ever know what is most likely! HERES MY LIST OF MOST LIKELY'S! Most likely to be asked to join Disney as the laughtter of Santa Clause Marcus Tee. Most likely to be Singapore's next famous designer Yang Minxiang Most likely to be Lifeguard Bertram Leong Most likely to be Country Club owner Brandon De'souza Most likely to be President Vik Most likely to be Priest James Chan Most likely to be policewoman Nazirah Most likely to be bimbo secretary/ paraleagal every law firm should have NorLela Malati Most likely to be health hazard (females be cautioned) Akram aka mr Aks. Most likely to be the next Elizabeth Taylor Sashi Most likely to be Failed Stand up comedian Caleb Most likely to be Superstar Nabawi aka Awi rafael Most likely to be next Miss Universe Nobody in our cohort Most likely to be teacher Izhary Most likely to be over-stressed CEO Grace Most likely to be married (hopefully) Iz and Naz Most likely to be prata shop owner Vik ( thot it would be nice to give him options, they don't always go for short, cute and indian) Most likely to be successful Nazurah Most likely to be housewife Nisha Most likely to be terrorist Desmond Most likely to be lawyer Melvyn Most likely to be Obsessive Compulsive Housewive not unlike Bree From Desperate Housewives Yimei aka Cookie Hitler Most likely to be burnt at the stake jaslyn tan ying qing Most likely to try to be president Ho Ming Hao Most likely to be sucessful writer the owner of this blog??? =D Most likely to be first to be let into heaven amongst us for good deeds Azizah Most likely to be cat lady Nad Most likely to stay away from nad's house Tania Tay Most like to have adolescent love songs named after her Candy Ho ( oh wait thats already happened) Most likely to be intimidating eccentric professor who laughs to himself in a corner Alvin Most likely to be loyal to spouse Shi xian Most likely to be disloyal to spouse Andrew Pui Most likely to attempt becoming the next student from LAw and Mgt in Proj Superstar Darren Alright disclaimer here*** don't take offence at anything said here ok? just joking. Its all meant in good faith. I lOOOOVE ALLL OF YOU... Alright thats it for my list of most likelys! But for now? I do know we've almost finished a rite of passage. A passage thats going to lead to a life time of possibilities, when we left secondary school it was a choice of POly, J.C or ITE. Some of us didn't have that choice. But i believe everyone of us who made it thru, is thinking this was the right choice no matter what the outcome. There's still a lot more choices left to make. Like who you're bringing to the PROM!!!! Law OI ?
06 September, 2005
is that where i'm meant to be? Is that how my life should go on? ARTiste? will i even be any good? _________________________________________ Moon people seems to be the one thing my whole artistic being is banking on. LOL. whether i'll be any Good, whether my debut on stage after so many years will be of any value. Whether that will be the line of career i will pursue... I wonder if theres too much hanging on it. What if it crashes? will i... end up disillusioned? end up hating arts? Like my parents? Moon People. We'll see. i never admitted before that i had anything to prove. Now i realise i had been trying to prove myself all along, but i just was too scared to give myself the chance. Sub-consciously i held back because of fears that should have never existed. Fears that when i saw it in others i could help quell, but never within myself... Always afraid of pushing my limits. Nope. No more. it's time to believe in oneself. Or i don't think i'll ever be able to tell it another person ever again. __________________________________________
04 September, 2005
Coincidences Yesterday, it was proven to me that the world is an amazingly small place. One where some people should be careful what you say to whom, or the little ant you think you're stepping on today, might just turn out to be a cockroach that won't die, and will pester you to death, tommorrow. Or perhaps that very evening. Idiots. Of all the fantastic coincidences i've heard of in my life,this tops it all. ________________________________________________________________ FRIEND. BEST. What is a friend? friend ( P ) Pronunciation Key (frnd)n. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement A best friend? Best- good ( P ) Pronunciation Key (gd)adj. bet·ter, (btr) best (bst) Being positive or desirable in nature; not bad or poor: a good experience; good news from the hospital. Having the qualities that are desirable or distinguishing in a particular thing: a good exterior paint; a good joke. Serving the desired purpose or end; suitable: Is this a good dress for the party? Someone called me his best friend that day. I wonder what that means. It must be one of those few times that my heart skipped due to external influences, and not because of stress. lol. I don't know if what was said, was really meant. Because, well... was it said too lighly?? But, one must have faith i guess. Faith in people. I have faith in that person. ___________________________________________________________________ I still search. For my own. My own. Not love. My own. I seem to have found it. New found really. LOng lasting. Seems like it. I put in effort into the other. But i guess. it could not have been my own. Seperately maybe. Together? Only between the 2 heads of the monster will it exist. 1 will always want it that way. 1 will sway. Then turn and snap, when bent too far in one direction. Attention i guess, is the double headed ones best ally. It seeks it. It finds new ways to gain it. Inside, runs a dangerous current. ____________________________________________________________________ Now lets see. Lets see if what i can say can be said in such a manner that only those who are consciously aware of it understand. One makes vows one can't keep. Proclamations. Unknown it may have been, but don't you realise you've already betrayed? In your heart? In your mind? It might be coming to a conclusion now. The hurricane may have passed. Life now attempts to reach its normalcy. I'm sure the debris of the damage will remain. But life goes on. Good. Something good has come out of it. pt II *turns* And , why push away, if you know that there is no way of continuing as per normal, without the presence. You don't dare admit the effects. What has happened once before will continue i guess, in its vicious cycle, unless, the unthinkable happens. You communicate, what is real. *Gasp* Those who think they have utter control over who they are will be proven wrong. Those who think they are always right. well. hmmmm. Those who WANT to be always right, i offer my condolences. We'll see how this ends. If it ends. Or perhaps as i said. Its a circle. I hope above all, that those it is intended to will never understand, not because i don't want you to. But because if you do, you are guilty of it. And this time if snide remarks surface. You can't stop me. Timidity has never been my friend.
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